Happy Life in Singapore

Its been a while... Part 2

2009-06-01T20:53:00.003+08:00

Haha.. well, I think I am going to blog less and less... been such a homely guy that there's nothing much to gossip about..

Well, we have bought our new place. Settled in already. Hosted our first few friends from overseas and local.

Just last weekend, had another couple come over for dinner and chat, and playing Wii games. Haha..

Only thing though, is that our place isn't near any train stations and so I had to pick up friends who don't drive.

Other than that, we have been quite peaceful and happy, and my partner looking for a job still. He spends his day tending the garden and doing household chores, and cooking dinner. Hahaha..

Its been a while...

2009-03-11T16:54:00.001+08:00

since I last blogged.

New Year's come and gone. Pretty much enjoyed myself.

Attended my first Mardi Gras parade. Crowd wasn't too bad. Lots of eye candy too, hahaha..

My partner is still looking for a job. This is probably not the best of times, but still I am sure things will go on track.

Also looking at buying a house not too far away..

Work has been busy, but still enough time for me to relax and have fun.

So that's my update.. haha.. short and sweet I guess... Losing steam in blogging now....

Happy New Year 2009 !

2008-12-31T21:18:00.002+08:00

This is the start of a new year. Though global economics are not that rosy, I am pretty sure I can weather through this without much hiccups.

As I scroll through my old post, I find that I am blogging lesser and I only have a handful of posts for 2008.

That's basically because 2008 was a huge turning point for me. I would have to change this blog to be 'Happy Life in Australia' since I already moved out of Singapore.

It took me so long to try to settle down. I can't say I have fully settled yet, but I am close to it soon. And I think 2009 will see my bf and myself plant our roots here for sure.

I haven't been meeting many gay friends here in Sydney and I haven't been visiting the gay scenes. I hope to change some of it and get to widen my circle of friends more.

At least during this last Christmas party, I learnt that 2 of my colleagues are gay and are not shy about the fact. I might come out, but its hard to shed 10+ years of pretending overnight. I will do so at my own pace, I guess.

So I have great hopes and expectations for the year 2009 and I wish everyone the same.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

2008-12-24T19:33:00.002+08:00

It's a nice and peaceful Christmas here with my partner, not going out very much. If the day's fine tomorrow, might park ourselves at the beach.

We are just here sitting down, watching comedies, drinking wine and eating crackers and cheese.

To all my readers out there, have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

The Good and The Bad

2008-10-26T17:31:00.002+08:00

Well, it has been a while... :) Anyone missed me ?

I am here to update some good and some not-so-good news.

The good news is that things are more or less settling down. And I am quite settled down in my job. Regular travelling within and outside the country. More projects and work piling up probably means my value is becoming more appreciable.

And although my boyfriend has already gotten his PR and is eligible to work, he hasn't found a job yet.

We both wanted him to get a job that is near my office, so that we can car pool and not spend more on transport. That hadn't been very successful so far. On the bright side, he has only started looking for a job since last week.

Housing prices are not as 'affordable' as many years ago. Interest rates are definitely higher than what we are used to hear about in Singapore. And that means the scrooge side of me is screaming at me not to take any loans.

Not sure if property prices will keep on going up, but I guess it will.

And being used to a whole life in Singapore so far, it is probably not easy for us just move to somewhere far. Though that means we can get houses for less than $300k, but it would also mean long commute to and from work.

Ahh, I hope I can win the million dollar Lotto.. :)

Happy Happy !

2008-09-19T09:15:00.003+08:00

Yes, just received news that my partner's Temporary Visa has been approved !
Yeah ! We are now really on the way to start our new home here.

Thanks for all the warm regards and wishes.

It's been an anxious year, planning the move and doing all the paperwork and hoping that all goes well. Now, we just need to continue with the paperwork for another 2 years and his Permanent Visa should be given without problems.

At least now he is a recognized resident here and can work and have some benefits.

Application Update

2008-08-24T11:17:00.003+08:00

The case officer has responded and asked for more documents and most importantly, a police check.

That has been done and submitted. If my guess is right, that would mean a conclusion would be made within a month... ooo I am so excited. I hope everything goes well.

Not sure what to expect if there is going to be any interviews. They haven't contacted my 'witnesses' so either they are still processing, or my documentations are good... Hahah..

Oh well, time will tell...

Submitted

2008-06-25T13:10:00.001+08:00

Our application has just been submitted. Now it is the waiting game...

Settling Down

2008-04-21T11:24:00.002+08:00

Been in Australia for a couple of weeks now. Started work too.

The process is not over yet. My partner is here with me, and within another month or 2, I will have to start the visa process of sponsoring him to stay here permanently.

This is the part that is very unnerving for me, as it is totally new and I do not know what I will do should this part fail. Though I am very determined to succeed in this 2nd stage...

More sleepless nights I think.. *sigh*..

No, in case you are wondering, I haven't had time to seek out gay places here. I guess just having to settle in takes a long time.

Almost Prepared

2008-03-14T15:46:00.001+08:00

Packing stuff... Job is confirmed...
So it's go and look for a place.

Wish me luck.

Counting Down ...

2008-01-22T22:12:00.000+08:00

Or not.

I know time is drawing closer. Our target is by the end of this quarter.

Yet, many things are still not confirmed. Job, house, flight. Not even my packing list and which to go in phase 1 and which to go in phase 2.

Gosh. Feels scary...

Am I making the right decision ?

2007-11-22T10:31:00.000+08:00

As the time draws nearer for me to move to OZ, the anxiety builds up. Thoughts of whether I am foolish to give up a well-paid (sometimes, I think I am overpaid) job here, and that I might be financially worse off.

Am I making the right decision ? Or is this the biggest mistake in my life, giving me financial grief for the rest of my time on earth ?

Sometimes, I consider it as a totality with my partner. He is not in a highly paid position. And from what I forsee in the future, it would be tough for him to go into well-paid area in Singapore.
Maybe my decision would be different if he were also in the high-earner category. Both of us can have comfortable lives in SG ?

Hopefully, even simple jobs in OZ well be much better paid.

However, it's tough to calculate whether overall we would be better off here in SG or in OZ. Higher tax, different living standards, quality of life, medical care, social welfare, etc..

And do the gay-friendly laws in OZ have any impact in our lives ? I don't really know. Its not like I am facing great legal difficulty here in SG either. Probably not yet.

I guess we just have to venture into it to find out more.

Afterall, I do not foresee that I can continue to get this higher-than-average pay for the next 20 years for me to become rich. I am thinking that if anytime in the next 20 years I get a pay cut, or my pay stagnate, our lives overall in OZ should be better than in SG....

Should... But will it be a correct decision, or a mistake ? ... I guess only time will tell.

5 years and "Married"

2007-11-08T14:27:00.000+08:00

Our 5th anniversary was just over. It wasn't one of those very romantic ones. And we got "married"... haha..

Well, basically, went to a shop and bought 2 identical rings. When we went home, took the ring and "Will you marry me ?" and we put the rings on each other, though not on the traditional fourth finger.

Well, his birthday is coming soon, so time for me to plan another romantic evening... I need some suggestions ! :)

Am I Outing Myself ?

2007-10-30T00:01:00.000+08:00

I just realized...

For the past few weeks, I have been talking to my parents about many things. Discussing traffic accidents, crimes, social conditions, migration policies of various countries, etc..

And one thing that was in the headlines but I didn't breathe a single word - 377A.

Being smart, I am not sure if I have effectively let them know that I am gay because I do not want to talk about it ... ???

Hmmm...

Anal Sex is like Drinking though the nose ?

2007-10-23T10:23:00.000+08:00

During yesterday's parliment sitting, one of the MPs likened anal sex being like drinking via a straw through the nose.

Her (I remember is a her) concept ? Anus is for excretion and output. Thus it is gross to insert anything in it..

Wow... So anal sex between men and women are not gross ? If it is the same, shouldn't section 377 remain ? Why is it removed for heterosexuals ?

And even if I do not practise drinking through my nose, does it mean it should be criminal for someone to do it ?

If it is not illegal, there would be more people drinking through their nose ? *gasp* and lead to the moral breakdown of society ? Imagine everytime you go out to hawker centre and restaurants, you see people drinking with a straw up their nose ? EEEwww ! Criminalize it !

I need to ignore more...

2007-10-20T23:29:00.000+08:00

Yes, its about the 377A thingie. And sometimes just feel very sad that many bigotted people still exists...

Somehow, everytime I tell myself I shall not get involved, one forum or another, I just cannot stop my itchy fingers... And in the end, I am the one feeling bitter about it. That those who support are still those who support, and those who oppose will still oppose, and that I haven't made a difference in anyway and I had just wasted my time and effort and bandwidth...

Somehow, this is starting to make me feel that I rather face potential racial discrimination, than this "moral discrimination"...

But of course, anywhere in the world, there are still many bigots, even in USA and Australia.

No Updates

2007-10-01T23:49:00.000+08:00

I will be taking a 2 weeks holiday in Australia with my boyfriend, to celebrate our 5th Anniversary...

See you guys later when I am back !

In the meantime, I just have to say that the latest news of CPF changes, non-repeal of 377 & 377A are all irritating news to me. Not so much as bad news, since I already have seen through everything and expected them. But still, irritating nonetheless.

I am also looking at how the situation in Myanmar is heading. Somehow, I have a feeling that this round of protest, is still just a small storm, and not a tsunami. Doubt things will change.

But hey, who knows, I am no political expert.

My Fort Road Encounter

2007-09-24T22:28:00.000+08:00

Haha.. Ok, after hearing all the cruising that happens at Fort Rd, I have honestly not had any experiences there at all.

Over the weekend, I went there to take a look. I saw some guys hanging around the carpark, and I saw cars going round and round in circles, then stopped and walked out for a while, etc...

I walked into the jogging tracks abit, but didn't see much.

I didn't know how the whole thing is supposed to work, and I didn't see anyone picking up anyone there.

Then, I noticed a familiar car... And a friend came out, with someone else.. Hmm.. Apparently didn't see me. They went behind the bushes and walked far into the jogging track, towards somewhere that I haven't been to before.

So I took a slow stroll over, and watched.. Haha. Of course he saw me by then. So now I know he is also into some form of exhibitionistic fun, ha ha.

The Law and The Reporters

2007-09-22T14:06:00.000+08:00

Ok, so we have heard it all.

Section 377A in Singapore (yes, the one that criminalizes homosexual acts between men) is NOT going to be repealed. It will remain, to pacify conservatives and religious bigots.

And recently (I think about 2 days ago ?) our ST published an article that a recent NTU survey found that 7 in 10 Singaporeans feel disgusted with homosexuals (or something like that. If they can't be bothered to phrase other people correctly, I shall not be bothered to phrase them correctly as well, just out of my memory.)

For agument's sake, so what if the stats are correct ? Does it imply just because many people are disgusted by it, it should be a crime and perpetrators are potentially liable to be imprisoned for LIFE ?

Oh, sure, how about divorce ? Adultery ? Pre-marital sex ? Based on our conservative society, I am sure more than 7 out of 10 Singaporeans will find them disgusting as well. Should we then make it a crime punishable by life-imprisonment ? Or if only 5 out 10 Singaporeans find these disgusting should be impose half-life imprisonment ?

And the most vocal of all are the can't-recall-which-wing Christians, and I think Muslims as well. Since, by all of them, homosexual acts are written in their Bible/Quoran that it is a sin.

So just because it is a sin in their books, we should make it a crime ? I am sure adultery is also a sin in all their books (afterall, some Islamic countries still practise stoning women who commits adultery), why not make it a crime here in Singapore ?

Outlaw divorces, it will surely bring down our divorce rates...

How about free-thinkers ? Isn't this becoming a situation of imposing other people's religion onto me ? Isn't this unconstitutional ? Because having consensual sex with another man, is not harming anyone.

And at the end of it all, someone found the original survey that the group of NTU students did.
(here)

A matter of taking something and twist their words/findings to suit propaganda ?

Disappointment

2007-09-15T11:10:00.000+08:00

A week has passed. Sorry, no sexcapades to tell. Yeah, plain old boring week.

Showers cubicles have doors. And I can't hang around the shower room just to catch naked bodies, can I ?

So sad to say, nothing.. nil... zilch...

All I can remember are the cute faces of my reservist friends, and of the younger teenagers.

I wonder if I have lost all my market value...

Lots of Candy...

2007-09-10T20:35:00.000+08:00

My In-Camp this time round, is a combination of 2 companies.
Without having to dwell into the details which compromises military security, suffice to say, our strength , from the usual 50-60 person , became 180+.

And I met quite a number of my old active-days guys. Wow.. its been 10 years.

Anyway, again based on statistics, I should be able to meet at least about 10+ other gay guys...
Probably I must look harder, as most people will try not to be too obvious.

Saw a few eye candies already, though none are really that gorgeous to makes me leak.

Hopefully, I can catch more naked bodies.. hahaha...

The Updates that I owed

2007-09-06T09:10:00.000+08:00

Yes, it has been a while. Again.
Time goes by so fast.

Well, what is happening recently ? Work is becoming irritating to me. And my bf has been encountering irritating people as well.

At least, next week onwards, I will be back in Reservist. Haha.. More chance to see nude bodies, cuties, etc. Hoping that there will be more fresh meat, but I doubt so. Well, just see if I can catch any cute NSF...

Wish me luck !

Slow Birthday Updates

2007-08-14T09:37:00.000+08:00

Haha.. other than more birthday treats and such, I was treated to a big surprise one day.

I came back to office from lunch, and my desk was full of ballons.... The whole table was covered. I was shocked and my colleagues commented that my face and my ears were red...

Then there was a specially hand-made gift from them, and they turned off the lights and brought out birthday cakes, grabbing the attention of the whole office (at least those who were back from lunch..)

I will miss this bunch of people when I leave, definitely.

Genuine popularity proportional to number of Birthday Treats ?

2007-07-23T17:51:00.001+08:00

I really do hope that it is true. I count the number of people who initiates the treats, not the number of ppl who tags along (though I do not doubt their sincerity either, as they can easily cook up excuses. Afterall, it is after office hours.)

So, comparatively to most ppl in the office that I know of, (my boss included, hahaha), I probably rank one of the top few..

:)

I took someone's cherry...

2007-07-02T23:16:00.000+08:00

Have I told you this secret before ? No ?
Ok... Yes, I took a guy's cherry before..No, I didn't rape him.

It happened years ago, while I was still in Uni. I have this coursemate (our course isn't that huge) who doesn't seem any different initially.

But as years go by, I had quite a number of friends. During our final year we had to do projects. I would usually pop by and chat with my friends, call them out for lunch or tea-breaks frequently.

Now, this guy (lets call him G) is doing software if I didn't remember wrongly. Software lab tables are usually lower and I usually sit on the tables talking to my friends.

On this occasion, I was sitting beside his huge monitor, talking to him while he was sitting on his chair. So it was like, my belly was at his eye level. No, he wasn't looking at my belly or crotch (at least, I didn't notice him looking.)

He was telling me something and chatting away, and he was pulling one of my fingers and then starting fondling my palm. Not the very sensual fondling but similar to the way a doctor would do casual examination of the hand, touching the calluses and things like that... Except he kept holding and not letting go while he was looking at me and talking about something else, which I can't recall - something casual in nature.

After that incident, I thought he might be gay, but I couldn't sense anything further from him. Soon, lessons ended and it was time to mug for exams.

I didn't see him for a while. One day, I decided to send him an email using our school accounts, as I didn't have his contact. He didn't reply my emails. After a few days, I sent another email, apologizing for my rash assumptions but I am under stress by the exams and such (haha.. what excuse).

Either he replied my email, or we met one day. But he let me know that he was angry for writing such a mail, and he was worried that the authorities might be monitoring our mailboxes. I remembered I apologized in person. Than that was it.

Few days (or maybe weeks) later, during the midst of exams, I was staying overnight in campus but without hostel rooms. So it happened that his roommate was away (probably studying at home) and I can stay over one night (I think it was the last or 2nd last paper) while doing revisions together.

We were in his room. Later, he said he is going to sleep and that his roommate doesn't like people touching his bed. So I studied a while more and proceeded to turn off the lights and slept on his bed.

He was facing the wall, and I was facing the other way. After about 10 minutes, he turned around and hugged me. At first, I thought he was asleep. Then he started to stroke my stomach. That's when I realized he wasn't... and one thing led to another.

Basically, we got each other off and he hugged me and said I was his first. I didn't know but that was the start of some mini nightmare.

We met each other frequently in school, and a few times while in the loo (since our labs are just beside one another and I wasn't those use-once-and-throw kind of guy) he tried to "seduce" me. I told him it was dangerous and stuff like that, but I think he was overcome by emotions/lusts.

There was even this once, he tried to kiss me while we were at the door of the washroom and someone came in. He didn't see us, as the door banged on me while it opened and he took a step back...

I think after being molested a few times by him, and telling me that he fell in love with me, I finally told him that what happened that night was just a one-off thing and he shouldn't hope for anything more.

He didn't feel like talking to me after that, though we didn't act like we were enemies. Just not as close. After graduation, we lost contact. I tried to contact him few years ago, but failed.

Clearing my stocks

2007-06-18T23:48:00.000+08:00

Ok.. packing up my room recently.

Decided to clear my old stacks of porno magazines and erotic gay stories. Probably 8 years old. Books are old, only a bit yellowish, but looks unhandled...

Let me know if you are interested. Email me.

What else do I have to say ?

2007-04-16T01:14:00.000+08:00

My life hasn't been that gay recently, thus the lack of updates. Ha ha.

Just felt that I am being more alien.

Just the last weekend, I spent about 3 hours walking around Vivocity. And out of the noisy crowds that I have overheard, I gather that less than half are Singaporeans. Either Singaporeans are really quiet, or they are just elsewhere...

At my work place, more empty offices were taken up. Parking has been filled. More people around. And I noticed more foreigners.

Please note that I am not xenophobic, neither am I discriminatory. I just observed. There is a large European company about 60% (from what I can observe) are Caucasians. It felt like they were in Singapore very long. Why ? Cos they are not the usual cheery, smiley, friendly Ang mohs that I usually encounter.

Another big group of Indians (I still cannot be sure whether they are foreigners or locals) and Filipinos. These are the few that takes their lunch on the window sill along the corridor. I do not have problems with them being thrifty and packing their own lunch. But for goodness sake, keep the area clean. There has been drops food lying around and lots of ants at the windows since then. Even with the constant cleaning by the cleaners.

Probably can't blame them much... The environment they grew up in probably didn't need them to be so careful it... But at least be considerate when they are here... *sigh*

My Encounters in Army

2007-03-19T11:15:00.000+08:00

Maybe its time I continue with some of my stories, in a bid to relax and take my mind of work.

I had talked about my relationships (see my older posts) and now I will bring time back earlier to my army days... when I was between the ages of 18-20.

During those times, I still thought that I was bisexual, since I find gals attractive as well (was it due to societal pressure, I don't know) and only had some experiences in anonymous toilet sex (maybe I will post about this another time).

Army was heaven for closet gays to enjoy viewing naked male bodies of hundreds of other guys in all shapes and sizes (with pieces of meat in all shapes and sizes as well). Of course, I enjoyed ogling and trying not to be too obvious, at the same time trying to act all straight and macho.

In my 2.5 years in the Army, I've had 2 sexual encounters. One was with a cute subordinate who was a deep sleeper, the other with a peer who was probably sexually curious.

Molesting the sleeping guy is nothing much to talk about, except that it happened in a bunk of 20+ other sleeping guys... I know the risks, but lets just say a little bit of alcohol, plus the fact that everyone just came back from tiring field exercise, made the risk lower. Plus the room was full of snoring guys already, at 3am.

The other incident happened because one of my peers lost a bet with another guy and had to go 24-hours without underwear. I went to tease him initially. He was lying on his bed reading a magazine and I laid down beside him. (This was in the afternoon, and there are others in the room doing their own things.)

I started teasing him my asking things like "So I heard you are not wearing anything underneath, feeling cool ?" and things like that. But he ignored me totally, continuing to read (or pretending to read) the magazine.

Finally, not drawing any response, I told him, I will pull his shorts to see for myself. After saying that, my hand reached down to pretend to pull the elastic band, expecting him to slap my hands. After I withdrew my hands and still no response from him, I reached down a second time and actually pulled the shorts open and took a peek. He already had a hard-on.

So I asked him why is he hard and this time, he replied softly saying that he was a bit excited. So I asked him if he wants me to help him "settle it". If so, just wait for me in the toilet. He went, and I followed behind. Went into a cubicle and jerked him off.

After that incident, there was a second time when we met, alone in the balcony of our bunks. He was hanging out his clothes to dry. I hugged him from behind and tried to molest him. He was hard, but he said no, he doesn't want it anymore. I tested a third time by asking if he wanted and he said no. So that was the end.

Well, there was this other time I saw my platoon sergeant acting so happy when we "sabotaged" one of our men during his birthday. The usual strip him naked and smear shoe polish, etc all over his body. My platoon sergeant took a piece of cake and went for his groin, rubbing the cake in. I noticed the glee in his face.

Few years after that, I saw him in a gay bar. He has already quit the army by then, and was such a macho mary...

Law of Averages - It still holds...

2007-03-15T22:09:00.000+08:00

Remember my previous post , where I lamented about my reservist unit :

Somehow, the law of statistics says that there should be about 5 to 10 homosexuals and/or bisexuals. Either my gaydar has been rendered inoperative by all the military equipment around, or all of us are just too good at hiding ? Where are the other 4, at least ?

Well, what do you know. The recent Chinese New Year, I found one... And it was someone I was eyeing a bit. Haha.

Went to a gay pub one weekend after the Chinese New Year. Haven't been there for a long time. Went in, lo and behold. Saw him. He saw me. We smiled and chatted and enjoyed ourselves partying.

My Routine, My Life.

2007-01-25T23:22:00.000+08:00

Life in recent years has been pretty straight-foward, if you get my pun.

Its about work, rest, and friends - Straight friends.
We seem to be the only gay couple hanging around them most of the time.

And we have sort of lost touch with our gay friends. Occasionally, I still have dinner with a few of my old friends, but that's it. He hasn't gone out with his gay friends for a long while.

We haven't been to any gay events (those Christmas/New Year parties, Mardi Gras, etc). Have we lost touch with the gay community ? I don't know if I have been really that "in-touch" with it in the first place. (Other than going to gay clubs.)

Recently, a Singapore Polytechnic survey showed that 50% of youngsters (aged below 30) interviewed are "acceptable" to homosexuals. Should it be more ?

Maybe what we have been doing is also part of integrating into the society as a whole. At least, we do not just stick to gay friends and stop socializing with the rest of the world, just because they are straight...

Except I am still not ready to be out to the whole world yet... Just those few friends...

Not so happy...

2006-11-25T15:41:00.000+08:00

Its been more than a month. No updates from the gay side. Why ? That is because I rarely have any gayness left.

Hardly keeping in touch with the gay community, except daily checks of Fridae and Trevvy. Life is now just working, sleeping, watching TV. And even work is not as great as it used to be.

I have recently bought ad read SQ21 . So a quick review.

I personally feel encouraged that this book is out in Singapore. I also feel heartened about the true stories that I was about to read. Thumbs up to the authors and all the interviewees. They have shown more courage than I had. At least, they showed their face, while I still hide behind this anonymous blog.

But somehow, I can't put my finger to it, it still doesn't tug at my heart the way I thought it would. I couldn't feel a connection, I don't feel any revelations nor revolutions stirring inside me.

Maybe I have been looking at too much porn and this doesn't stir my interest ? Haha.

Or maybe I am just too disheartened at anything gay here in Singapore...

Self Actualization ?

2006-09-10T13:35:00.000+08:00

I have recently lost passion in the work that I do. I don't know whether I should attribute it to the lack of fulfilment, or overdose of politics that I had to deal with. Whatever the case, it brought me to wonder what I wanted in my life and what do I actually want to do with it.

Earning the dough is fine and good. But somehow, it starts to feel that though the money is good, it probably is not worth it. Not worth making myself miserable. Can I settle for less and do something that I like ?

And WHAT would I like to do ? For a while, wanting to contribute to the homosexual community comes to my mind. Maybe it is for the feeling that I want to do something that people appreciate. And for once, I want to do something that I do not need to justify with ROI, bottom-lines and all that materialism/capitalism.

But again, I feel that in Singapore its hard to do that alone and yet able to get enough dough to upkeep the lifestyle that I want (no, just a car and a nice place to stay. I don't need LV or Armani at all) and tame the insecurities of retiring in Singapore with its raising medical costs and such.

Maybe that is why the urge to move out to my dreamland is stronger. So that I can actually start doing the things that I like, instead of selling my soul right now.

Somedays, I feel that I am being more cynical, more sacarstic, more evil-mouthed because of not having my self actualization and that is making me bitter in life.

Something's Amiss

2006-09-06T22:09:00.000+08:00

And I don't know what it is.

I have felt very distant from the recent National Day celebrations. I have felt hopeless in my career. I have felt left out in the recent IndigNation.

Why do I have this overbearing sense of apathy ? Why do I have this feeling of pessimism in my life. Am I having a mid-life crisis ? Am I already in the middle of my life ? Does that mean I will live up to only 60+ years old ?

I would still like to party , but ...

2006-08-08T22:30:00.000+08:00

This is how I would like to celebrate National Day

http://www.yawningbread.org/arch_2006/yax-631.htm :

The Mardi Gras girls were there just to pose with patrons for their complimentary photographs, this being the launch party for IndigNation 2006, Singapore's lesbian and gay Pride season. They were not performing on stage. But whether or not they were performing, why is it actionable to wear a bikini in Singapore? What shred of legal basis is there for the police to interfere, and how justifiable is it when measured against basic civil rights?

Interestingly, the officers either ignored or didn’t notice the Tequila girls who were just as skimpily dressed. Tequila girls are a fixture of many pubs, dressed in short coaties that barely cover their bosoms and tight, tight shorts. They too show a lot of midriff and thigh.

What's the difference between the "scantily dressed" take-down-your-particulars Mardi Gras girls and the no-big-deal Tequila girls?

and

The owner of Tantric Bar was asked to attend a police interview in the days leading up to his event, Paradise 2006, scheduled for 5 August 2006. Beyond the aforementioned questions of who was behind the event, the intention of the police was evidently to read the riot act to the bar owner. Know and abide by the maximum crowd limit stipulated in your licence. Absolutely no kissing, though hugging can be allowed. "Make sure there is no immorality", they said, which of course is a bit strange considering that the government did license these bars to serve alcohol. Had they not heard that imbibing intoxicating liquids is immoral?

And here's the funny one: Nobody may take off his shirt. Isn't it so Singaporean? Do not unbutton your straitjacket.

But seriously, since there can't be legislation that outlaws this in Singapore, does this mean the police, by insisting on such a rule, are exceeding their powers?

The owner of Tantric Bar had the presence of mind to ask the police: what about Zouk-out and other beach parties? People take off their tops there -- why one rule for them and another for my bar? The police had no answer.

Sad Days

2006-07-20T23:34:00.000+08:00

A very good friend of mine passed away very suddenly. I have yet to come to terms with this great loss. *sigh* . I don't know what to say.

Why Star Trek Shouldn't Have Female Captains...

2006-07-16T17:36:00.000+08:00

Anything, and I mean anything, can be taken out of context !

My Motivation.

2006-07-03T21:30:00.000+08:00

Have been pretty stressed at work lately.
Stressed and irritated to the point of almost quitting.

But I come home everyday and see my dear. I can temporarily be relieved. That would be enough to motivate me to push forward.

Why ?
Cos I need the money. (Terrible, this life of a slave.)
And if I need the money, I will endure all the manure thrown my way.
As long as we can spend the rest of our lives together in peace in a place that we like, a year or 2 of putting up with irritating people is worth it.

2006-06-20T09:27:00.000+08:00

Someone asked me in my previous post, what is 1127. I will not answer that at the moment, except to say, if you search the internet enough, you will find out what it means to me and my bf.

Good news is my bf found a new job.
Bad news is he still doesn't like the environment, but he will endure it till he finds another one.

We have been spending time together the past few weekends in very un-Singaporean ways. We didn't go shopping and such.

Spend the day hours going to parks, reservoirs, and finding good picnic places to bring our friends to. Then the evening is at a friend's house, chatting, watching TV/movies and such. Such "homely" lifestyles... hahaha...

Been Busy

2006-06-13T00:36:00.000+08:00

I apologize for not updating regularly for the past months. Been busy with work, and some personal stuff.

Anyway, will be busy again this week, with so many things to do.

Oh, and my office notebook will be used for presentations. Must remember to clear all my histories and caches and bookmarks before any "accident" happens.

The other reason is probably I didn't have much time to much thinking, analysis or continue writing my life story. I started out once, trying to write an autobiography. But it still is stuck at Chapter 2, even though I started writing it almost 10 years ago.

How time flies...

Anyway, I hope later this month, I will have the time and mood to continue blogging, about my gay life in Singapore. In the meanwhile, I still need to find time to read my 1127.

We got another "Hub" status : HIV Hub !

2006-05-22T21:53:00.000+08:00

HEALTH CLUBS DEADLY HIV HUBS?
http://newpaper.asia1.com.sg/news/story/0,4136,107011,00.html?

Andy, who asked not to be identified so as not to embarrass his parents, wants his bitter experience to be a cautionary tale for those who frequent these clubs.

He told The New Paper on Sunday: 'I don't want another person to fall victim to Aids.'

Andy's nightmare began after he was invited to join a men's health club by his gay friends last year.

Wait a minute... He was invited to join a "club". He got AIDS there (he thinks) and now he doesn't want another guy to fall victim to AIDS. How ? I thought the main message was to practise safe sex, but nooooooooooo...

'Those like myself who didn't want to wait to use the rooms just do it in dark corners,' he said.

'Many men had unprotected sex because there are no condoms available unless you are inside the rooms.'

Andy also frequented two other men's clubs - up to three times a week.

He said different clubs offer different experiences. One catered to more of a foreign clientele while another was more kinky, with some patrons clad in leather.

Oh. I can tell Andy why there are no condoms in there. Because by putting condoms, the authorities will say the clubs are "promoting illegal activities". (Just like how AFA, giving out Anti-AIDS pamplets with free condoms at parties, were told by the police to stop. )

So, he was invited to go to a club, then he frequents more clubs and up to three times a week. He is over 30s, for goodness' sakes. Doesn't he buy his own condom, if he knows perfectly well that those clubs do not make it available that freely ?

Anyway, the purpose of him coming to the press is to help prevent another victim. This is what he wanted :

Andy has since come to terms with his condition.

Today, the thought of unprotected sex with strangers sends shivers down his spine.

And he wants to warn others of the dangers of visiting men's clubs.

He hopes the authorities can conduct more checks on these clubs.

'I don't want others to end up a victim like myself,' he said.

I can do better :

I want to warn others of the dangers of having sex.
I hope the authorities can outlaw pre-marital sex.
I don't want others to end up a victim like Andy.

What does he want ? That the authorities close down these clubs ? Conduct more raids so that the condoms inside the room are made to disappear as well ?

What is this rubbish. Is he angry that he got AIDS while having unprotected sex in the club ? Doesn't he know about safe sex practises ? Shouldn't he bring his own condoms ?

Oh I see, he paid for the membership. So he should get free f**ks, with free condoms thrown in ? Is his life worth less than that few dollars ?

I am sad to say, there are many strangely irresponsible people in this world. The whole world owes it to him. The whole world must take care of him.

On another note to the authorities :

See ! You think you are able to make people not to have any kind of sex outside marriage ? Abstinence doesn't work ! It turns people off your legitimate concern of STDs. In the end, you waste money, do not get the results you wanted and get blamed by people like Andy for not doing more to prevent idiots like him from getting AIDS .

Now, there are rumours going on among the gay forums and emails, telling everyone to stay away from those clubs for the time being. There are "insider information" that the police are going toconduct raids, etc. I am sure the business of these clubs are going to be affected for quite a while.

There were also suspicion that there was no such person "Andy" and it is all a fake...

I have never been to any of these "health clubs" before, so do not assume that I am just defending these businesses. Just because I don't use them, doesn't mean I want to deprive others the chance of using them !

Blogger is having fun with me

2006-05-22T21:10:00.000+08:00

Hahahah ! Blogger sure knows me inside out. And I haven't even logged in yet (and no cookies), how the heck does it know it's me ????? Must be the aliens, dammit !!!!!

Jobs - Hate it, can't live without it....

2006-05-17T21:08:00.000+08:00

Things haven't been pretty smooth recently. Both in terms of family & work. Mostly depressing and sad stuff, occasionally irritating and vein-bursting.

My darling hasn't been feeling very good as well, especially since he has been out of job for a while. It seems joblessness is very much frowned upon.

Had a friend who also had not been regularly employed, but have been freelancing a little and lazing around most of the time. He has been getting some comments about his lack of direction or ambition and needs to find a proper job.

*sigh*

Assistance Rendered

2006-03-08T22:31:00.000+08:00

Someone contacted me to do a school project that involved homosexuals.

I thought I would be helping break stereotypes, or even just simply get an alternative viewpoints across to as many people as I can. Consider it social duty that I feel I should do, once in a while.

Besides, these students seemed eager and sincere in trying to understand homosexuals and what are the issues and challenges that we face.

It turned into a video project, where my interview was videotaped and they will present it to their class. (Of course, I am not the only one interviewed.)

Heard from them some time ago, that they had good grades for this project.

I am glad, and I hope that the hour that I spent, and the many hours that they spent in getting this project done, has got its message across to someone in their class. Even if it made a difference to only one other person, I feel it was worth it.

Being Closet in the Army

2006-02-07T22:09:00.000+08:00

Almost every year, for the past 7 years, I have been called back for my reservist In-Camp Training.

Every time, I get to know of more people getting married, or having more kids. Everyone is sprouting families all over. Except for a few, of course. But most of the are still young.

This time round, nothing has changed. More people got married. More kids. And conversations, other than on military stuff, will turn to work, but mostly about kids.

How do I join in ? Listen and fake interest in their experiences in the delivery room, their passage from being a husband to a father.

*~*~*~*~*

Once in a while, jokes, teasing about each other pops up. When you have all men together, gay jokes are common. (Or is it just that I am with a bunch of perverts ?) Pretending to want to seduce each other, turning almost all military equipment into phallic objects, and talking about experiences of meeting the GLBTs.

To hear from a medic, that he will feel violated if the doctor checking on his piles turns out to be gay. He feels disgusted that doctors in a Singapore hospital is humping each other and telling the nurses about their "sexcapades". And I used to think that he was more open-minded.

And he doesn't mind if a policewoman were to strip search him, but to be even touched by a gay doctor at the "sensitive parts" is a big no-no.

Lots of little talk here and there. And here I am, joining in at the sexual jokes, but not doing much to change their attitudes about GLBTs. I can only say so much, without giving myself away.

I will know when they start to suspect I am gay - when they no longer laugh after I say "Come over to my bunk tonight, I want your ass again.."

It's something about straight men that I cannot understand. You can take all the teasing, and even pretending to be humped in the rear, by another straight men, all in the name of fun and humour. But once the joke comes out of a gay man, they start trembling in fear of their rears... As if gay men have no taste ????

I cannot understand it, because I can participate in sexual jokes about men, women and even animals, without feeling disgusted. Afterall, I do not fancy women, and I definitely do not hump animals, but it is all just talk. So why is it different when the same joke comes out from someone with different sexual orientation ?

*~*~*~*~*

It doesn't help that my unit is small, and there are no more than 65 people (thereabouts) involved. Everyone knows everyone else by full name and the name of their kids. Throw in another 6 to 10 instructors, and that's it ! Less than 80 people.

Somehow, the law of statistics says that there should be about 5 to 10 homosexuals and/or bisexuals. Either my gaydar has been rendered inoperative by all the military equipment around, or all of us are just too good at hiding ? Where are the other 4, at least ?

3 years and all the lovelier

2005-10-18T23:02:00.000+08:00

It has been almost 3 years since I am with my current boyfriend. Not considered long for a relationship, not too short either.

Based on observations around me, many gay relationships dwindle past the first year. I can't say too much about straight relationships, but those that I had before were like that too.

Put me overseas for a few days on a working trip (whether alone or with colleagues), I still miss my boyfriend a lot. Especially while waiting to board the flight back to Singapore.

Ask me to go out for dinner with my not-so-close colleagues and I will hesitate to join in. I much prefer to spend a quiet evening at home with my boyfriend having simple dinner and just watching TV.

So this is love ?

Wild, hot passionate sex sessions are not as numerous as the first year, I dare say. But the love of the heart is still the same. Perhaps even more after these years.

Sleeping alone in bed, though I get better quality sleep, is always not as nice as knowing someone is lying beside me. I do get disturbed in the middle of the night (and I am sure my turing disturbs him a little too) but I would rather wake up in his arms any day, quality sleep or not.

Time of the Year

2005-10-11T18:10:00.000+08:00

It's the time of the year again.
Soon, my company's DnD event.

It has always been a bit tough for me, as I will always not be able to be comfortable coming out to my whole company.

That means I have to enjoy lonely time, while I see others having fun with their spouses.

Or I may also join the single guys and talk about girls and talk about going to "have fun".

Am I not giving my colleagues a chance ? Am I just too scared ?

Getting Older

2005-09-20T00:08:00.000+08:00

Haven't been updating my blog for a while. I have been busy - busy with life.

Yes, I have to admit, life is treating me quite well. No doubt, things could have been better (like I could have won the million dollar lottery), I am still satisfied with my life so far.

I guess the goals are there to give us drive and motivation, but we still have to find happiness and not be too preoccupied with achieving our goals without regards to living our lives.

Yes, as reported in Gay To The Bone, I have been living quite an well integrated life with my straight friends. Somehow, I do think that my contacts with my gay friends are now quite inadequate.

But life is living the art of trying to strike a balance - so I guess I just might have to try to balance my gay social circle a little.

No, I honestly do not think that the gay lifestyle is just about sex. I have progressed (or should I say got older) where clubbing and loud music do not attract me anymore. I don't mind going, but the lure is definitely not there anymore.

Even those gay friends of mine that I have contact with these few years, are all the "homely type". Yeah, those that have house party celebrating birthdays and such. Entertainment is very different.

So is this the path that many gay people eventually walks ? That once you settle down, you lose touch with friends that you go clubbing with, and spend more time with the "settled-down" types (be they gay or straight) ?

NKF Saga and Homosexuality

2005-07-16T18:13:00.000+08:00

The Recent NKF Saga strikes me as controversial. Of course, since this blog is about me dedicating to the gay side of my life, I will not be talking so much about what my feel of the issues in the press.

What I would like to talk about is what I feel, are the politicians' and citizens' perspectives.

First of all, NKF, in recent years, has become a "professional" body raising funds for charitable causes. By "professional" I mean that NKF has become a business outfit, whose "revenue" is donations from the public, and the "profits" are entirely for subsidizing kidney patients. Their business objectives become (1) To increase revenue, (2) Increase reserves so that during economic downturns, they can tap on their reserves to continue helping patients.

I think I can add in here, my opinion, that I think it is all fine. Thus, getting paid "market rate" for all the staff (CEO, and ground crew included) is OK by my standards (but then, what kind of moral standards do I have ?).

My only problem is that the "bonus" is a bit too much, with ground crew getting about 6-months bonus, and CEO getting 12-months. Unless, of course, it can be proven that their pay are "below market rates" thus the need for higher than normal standards.

I am not going to debate that part here. What I am here about is what I gathered from the "public outcry".

Most of the people I spoke with, and many of the comments I have heard from various media, led me to believe that a great marjority still holds the notion that people working in these welfare and charity outfits, should be "volunteers" and should not even be getting market-rate pay.

That people who work for such organization, should be more compassionate, and have "moral obligations" to fulfil.

Thus, the transformation of NKF into a business-like outfit, using "tactics" to raise so much money, becomes immoral or somehow not right. Even though, in some countries, such "busines" models have been used.

Our Health Minister Khaw Boon Wan's asked (during the press conference announcing the resignation of NKF CEO and Board) that whether we still want our VWOs to operate in the traditional mode and not being able to solicit as much funding, got to me.

Judging by Mrs. Goh's comments on the now-famous "peanut" implications, and even our PM Lee Hsien Loong's comments gave me similar message. Many ministers also added their comments.

Their message is , in my own words :

Our conservative society still views VWOs as being run by volunteers and that NKF's way of business model (thus business-like pay to all the staff) doesn't sit well with our people. That the old methods cannot raise enough money to help the needy/patients.

I get the feeling that they are trying to tell us that it is OK to treat it like a business. (And my own opinion also concurred with them.)

I get the feeling that they are out on a small little campaign to try to educate the public that even if this model doesn't sit well with our conservative majority, we need to be open about it and urge the public to try to shed the older, conservative notion that VWOs should be voluntary.

I think this is a good move. But what has it got to do with homosexuality ?

I think the government has done exactly the opposite of what they did with NKF. How so ?

First, the obvious stand that homosexuality is a western influence and our conservative majority is against it.

Second, that we shouldn't push the public to accept these things, and that the laws will change alongside public opinion.

Third, that I haven't really seen evidence of the government objectively try to survey or find out exactly how many are these so called "conservative majority". Or do they take it that as long as there is ONE person out there who views homosexuality as immoral, it is then the society that is not progressing ?

Fourth, that the govenment doesn't take a stand to try to educate the ignorant or the conservative citizens that they should be "open" and that homosexuality is not evil or harmful or anything ? That they insists that it is not the government's job to educate the public about homosexuality, that it is their job to implement what the people wants.

So, how is this NKF saga contradicting ?

First, NKF's "business model" was also taken from the West. Why is not judged as "immoral" ?

Second, of their little nudge (though subtle) in trying to get people to calm down and look at the overall picture of NKF's objectives.

Third, that they feel NKF is not wrong in their adoption of running it like a business model, and that the public should be open. The only thing that was wrong is the transparency. They feel that members of the public should be open to new ways of running VWOs.

Fourth, that they are, in their little own ways, trying to move the conservative people to accept the new ways.

Some might argue : Isn't the current situation just the same ? That NKF CEO and Board are stepping down due to public pressure ? Aren't the government behaving in the same way ?

Obviously not. The stepping down is "voluntary" in trying to rescue NKF's image. It is not a legal requirement. That no one in power has said NKF should be back to the old and conservative way of being staffed by volunteers drawing miserable allowances.

But no one has asked for NKF to be back to the old days. Not true. I have just watched Channel News Asia's episode, hosted by Melvin Yong. There was a representative from Thye Hua Kwan Moral Society has stated that opinion, that many people still feel it is not right for VWOs to be run like a business by professionals. From the way he said it, I could sense that he himself is the conservative type.

Short of shouting "Down with NKF" on national TV, I get the feeling that he is trying to say "This is what you get, for trying to run it like a professional outfit" because he was constantly trying to clarify that many VWOs out there are very different from NKF, and that they still do not feel comfortable in trying to emulate NKF's way to soliciting funds.

So there you have it, in a nutshell. 2 separate issues. Both are "controversially ahead of its time", but one received a subtle nudge to move the society forward into acceptance, the other recieved a retardation in movement and has remained outlawed.

I leave you with one quotation from an article interviewing our PM Lee Hsien Loong :

Asked if rules governing VWOs should be tightened, Mr Lee said the rules had been reviewed recently, and no changes are expected for now.

He added that too many checks could also make it onerous for someone wanting to do good.

What is right about it ?

2005-06-29T23:09:00.000+08:00

Seems like I've been tomorrowed by a previous posting "How do you know you are gay ?"

Some comments on tomorrow basically took my "justification", and substituted "gay" with "paedophiles" and seems to imply that my justification of " just because it is natural to me" doesn't mean it is right.

Well, to a certain extent the argument holds certain truth. In that just because it is natural to me, doesn't mean I should feel that it is right to act on it.

Well, thank goodness I don't feel it is "natural" in me to kill someone. (Trust me, at times, I was very very tempted to.)

Of course, if the same method of argument is used to justify murder, it would seem to be wrong.
But what's wrong is the action, NOT the reason.

If I feel the urge to kill anyone who irritates me, it is natural for me. I can't help feeling that way. But I shouldn't act on it because I feel it is not right.

Because being gay in itself doesn't harm anyone. And the universal "moral code" is that it is your right to feel whatever way you want to, but if you want to do things to/with someone, it better not hurt. (But hey, those who have gone through lost love knows it hurts, but why is love not immoral ?)

Which is why I do not like to have sex with guys who are "confused", even if they are 40-years old. They don't even know if they are gay or not, or just can't accept the fact that they have bisexual "tendencies". Because I don't want to be the one to tip them over one side of the fence and maybe they will regret in future.

It is natural in me that I am a homosexual. It is my choice to embrace it because I feel it doesn't harm anyone. And that I will lead a miserable life trying to suppress it and live it to what others expect. I am doing it with a consenting adult who know what he wants and who he is. We didn't harm anyone.

If I were born a paedophile, still the argument is there : It is natural for me to like kids. It is my choice whether I think having sex with kids is right or not. And in this case, I feel most kids are not matured enough to make an informed decision, thus I feel I have no right to even ask if they want to have sex with me. It would affect the development of the kid.

*****

Morals is a funny thing. If I said it was not natural for humans to fly because we are not created by god to fly. Thus inventing and even thinking of building an aeroplane is immoral.

What will you say ? 99% of you out there will say that I am crazy. What is the harm of flying in aeroplanes ? The other 1% agree with me, but due to environmental reasons, not that it is "ungodlyl" for us to fly.

So what is morally right/wrong is very subjective. But of course, there is such a thing called "majority". But still, almost a century ago, majority thinks that our Earth was flat. Majority thinks that women should be seen and not heard.

Also, Muslim men can have up to 4 wives. Their morals and ethics. If you are not born in that environment, you just simply cannot understand nor comprehend it. So, just accept it. As long as it doesn't harm you.

*****

Starting off with the "harm" or "hurt" stand to defining morals is also a dangerous thing.

So you are born in a family where you parents want you to be a doctor, but you want to be an artist. Your parents feel sad, hurt. Are you doing something immoral ? So will you force yourself into a lifestyle/career/whatever for the rest of your life, so that you do not hurt your family ?

You found a better job. Opportunity is very good and it seems like a once-in-a-lifetime chance that you've got it. Your current boss is stressed, sad, and very much affected by your resignation. Company sales figures plummets. Your ex-customers' business is affected when someone fresh takes over. Do you feel obligated to stay and keep your boss and customers happy at your own expense ?

You are born in a caste society. You are of the upper/royal class. Your lover is of the lower class. Both of you love each other. Do you hurt your lover's love, faith and trust in you by rejecting the relationship because it will hurt your family's reputation ? Or do you hurt your family's reputation and elope with your lover to somewhere where both of you can be treated as equals ?

In all the examples above, I am sure many people in this world have gone through them and made decisions that are directly opposites. Some of us rank parents more important than lovers. Those who do not will never undestand. You can think and reason it logically, but you will never feel what they feel.

*****

Many homosexuals are forced into marriage due to peer/family/societal pressures. They led miserable lives, only to get divorced and hurt their children when they can't suppress it any longer.

Was it right to subject their spouse and children through years of agony ? Or would you rather they admit and accept themselves and not get married in the first place ?

*****

How about I do the context-swtiching as well ?

"Homosexuality is a sin. It is morally wrong and should not be tolerated. They should be treated."

Substitute "homosexuality" with "Jews" , "treated" with ... er.... I leave can leave it in there.

Viola , Hitler in the making.

*****

If you have read thus far, and you are one of those who believe that homosexuality is unnatural, a sin, and wants to take a moral stand, I give you this proposal :

Weed out homosexuals. Remove the stigma so that we are free to express themselves. Make us feel welcome and that the society do not penalize us. So that we will not be forced to get married to cover up, and pass our gay genes to the next generation. Let us breed ourselves to extinction.

As long as you make homosexuality something to be frown upon, there will always be some of us who will pretend to be straight and make more gay babies.

So, the morally high-standing ones. What say you to my proposal ? Be hypocritical so that you can rid the world of sinful people, or be truthful to yourself and accept the fact that we will forever be around.

Oh. If you think you can "convert" gay people into straight people, then there will forever be those who will follow your evengilical footsteps and "convert" straight people to gay people.

AIDS spread through furniture ?

2005-06-27T16:43:00.000+08:00

Haha.. Ok. I guess this is not new. Got it off Today as well.

http://newpaper.asia1.com.sg/news/story/0,4136,90623,00.html?

Just in case the link will be removed in the near future, I have copied the entire article below.

I only leave a few messages to you :

(1) Why did the police feel the need to inform the school, just because the teacher was gay ? Afterall, he was caught having sex with another gay man, not boy. Do they think that all gay men are automatically paedophiles ? Or that the gay teacher will teach all his kids to be gay ?

(2) Why did the school have to go through all that crap, spending $40k when that money can be spent on the kids ? Afterall, those kids that were pulled out from the school had to be enrolled back in as their parents can't find other special schools to accept them.

(3) It shows the power of how government policies and actions affect the entire society. And also how the conservative "few" can influence policies and the authorities. I thought the teacherrs and principals are in better position to educate these "special" parents...

(4) To the mind of many (not few), gay = men = paedophiles = HIV+ = Spread HIV = magical powers to turn other people into homosexuals

I have nothing to say, except to slap my palm on my forehead and go "duuuuuuuuuuhhhhhh". Hmmm.. I think I know now why my hairline is receding.

Here is the article :

IGNORANCE is bliss, so the saying goes. But for a private school off Upper Thomson Road, ignorance displayed by the parents of its students has proved costly - to the tune of $40,000.

That's 40 per cent of the school's annual operating cost.

The ignorance stems from the parents' fears that all gays are HIV positive - and a gay teacher would have infected everything he touched.

The school, the Centre for Exceptional Children, takes in students between 3 1/2 and 12 who have learning disabilities or who have low IQs.

In February, it came under the spotlight in a Straits Times report, which said the police had alerted the centre of a teacher's arrest for a sexual offence.

NOT CHARGED

The teacher was let off with a warning and was not charged, but the police said the school was informed because the man, Mr Paul Fernandez, 42, taught young children.

The school, which had 20 students then, said it did not know Mr Fernandez was gay or that he had been arrested.

But the parents were aghast. They blamed the school for hiring the man. Four pulled their kids out.

(They returned in April, said principal Queenie Tan, 50, because they couldn't find other centres to go to.)

Other parents insisted that the teacher not teach their children and must not be in the same room as their kids.

'It put me in a difficult position. It was as good as telling me to remove him,' said Mrs Tan.

A month before the ST report, Mr Fernandez had already stopped reporting for work.

On 30 Mar, the school's board decided to fire Mr Fernandez. He was informed by letter in April.

Mrs Tan stressed they did not fire him because he is gay but because he did not follow the school's guidelines. This included teaching in a classroom with windows so he could be observed.
Click to see larger image

His termination was not enough to pacify the parents. Some wanted the school to replace everything he had touched.

Re-paint the school, they said. Replace the toilet bowls.

Even throw away the chairs that he sat on.

Why? Because they were afraid their kids would get the HIV virus by touching the things the gay teacher had touched.

But there is no evidence that Mr Fernandez is HIV positive.

Furthermore, there is no way the virus can be transmitted through objects touched by an infected person.

As Dr Elly Sabrina Ismail, 35, a general practitioner explained: 'HIV is transmitted through blood and bodily fluids through close bodily contact like during sex.

'A virus can't survive for long when it's exposed to the environment. It's just sheer panic without understanding what it's all about.'

But Mrs Tan said 17 parents told her personally that they wanted the renovations carried out anyway.

So, in March, the school obliged. It even replaced the teaching aids - like cards and blocks - that Mr Fernandez had used. The school had to order some of the replacements from the UK.

It also replaced a microwave oven, hot water flask and toaster Mr Fernandez had used. Even the cupboards were changed.

Mrs Tan told the parents personally and via e-mail she would be carrying out the changes.

Explaining why they replaced the items, Mrs Tan said: 'We considered the general consensus of the parents. They pointed out that even the Government had banned gay parties and this contributed to the negative feeling they had towards gays.'

To allay their fears and concerns, she decided to carry out the renovations even though she admitted it was going overboard.

Mrs Tan said the school is only three years old and did not need to be renovated.

She said: 'It's a real waste of money. Psychologically, the renovation helps to give the impression that the place is new and fresh. You could say we were paranoid and obsessive, but the parents would say prevention is better than cure.'

A parent, who only wanted to be known as Mrs Ong, 46, admitted she was being kiasu.

Her 8-year-old son is dyslexic. She said: 'In this day and age of mutating viruses, well, I am just a mum who is concerned for my child. I am a kiasu mother.

'My son still puts things in his mouth and is not aware of what is hygienic and what is not. I was just thinking for my son and the other children.'

But does she know that the virus cannot be spread through furniture?

Yes, but she's not taking any chances, she said.

Mrs Tan added the school needs $100,000 a year and they conduct their own fund-raising. The renovations have put a large dent in its coffers.

She said the bulk of the operating cost generally goes towards the salaries of five full-time and three part-time teachers and the monthly $1,500 rental.

The school has 15 students now as some left to join mainstream schools.

When The New Paper on Sunday telephoned Mr Fernandez on Thursday, his mother said he had left the country two weeks ago. Declining to be named, she said he is unemployed.

'He didn't tell me where he's going,' she said. 'I didn't ask him. He is not a baby. I don't know when he is coming back. This is Paul's matter.'

Mrs Tan said this episode will not dissuade her from hiring gays.

'They are still human beings who need a job to survive. How can we ostracise them?

'There are gay teachers in primary and secondary schools and in polytechnics.

'And some are very good teachers.'

THE CASE

MR Paul Fernandez was warned by police in September 2003 for committing an act of gross indecency with another man.

It happened on the public staircase landing of a private block of flats in Klang Lane in Little India.

He was not charged.

He claimed it was a consensual act that came to the police's attention only after he reported that the other man had robbed him.

But because of his close contact with children, the police sent a letter to the school about his liaison with the man.

THE FACTS

IT's stereotyping of gays.

So says Action For Aids' executive director Paul Toh when asked to comment on the parents' reaction.

Said Mr Toh, 40: 'Just because a person is gay doesn't mean he has HIV. In truth, HIV is spread by mostly heterosexuals.

'In Singapore, 70 per cent of the HIV cases is spread by heterosexuals and 30 per cent by gay people.

'And it is not spread through furniture.'

According to the AFA website, there are three ways the HIV virus is spread:

Through semen, vaginal fluids or blood during unprotected sexual intercourse with an infected person.
Through sharing needles and syringes for intravenous drug use with an infected person.
When an infected mother passes the virus on to her baby during pregnancy, child birth or breastfeeding.

My Cousin is Turning Gay...

2005-06-01T11:28:00.000+08:00

No, not my cousin. My friend's...

I've received a call from a friend a while back. Rare, but she started off with "Is it convenient ? I need to ask you something. Can I call you later tonight ?"

I walked out of the office and told her to just ask. Get it over with. Yeah, I cannot stand suspense.

She asked me if I know whether there are any known gay activities occuring at a certain location. I asked how and why. This is what I 've got :

- That her cousin has been spending lots of time on the Internet chatrooms

- Her cousin's school work suffered. At first, her aunt and uncle though he was have affairs with young girls.

- Her aunt told her that after reading her younger cousin's SMS Messages, her aunt and uncle concluded that her cousin was meeting guys for "fun" at said location, at night.

- Her cousin is using her (being his private tutor) as reason to leave his house.

- Her aunt wants her to talk to him.

- She was wondering whether I could provide confirmation or not.

Well, let's not talk about invasion of privacy and stuff like that.

I basically told her that it doesn't mean he is gay, or turning gay. Maybe he was just "having fun". Maybe he will grow out of it. But I cannot advise her how to , or not to, talk to him. I didn't call her back to check on how things were.

What is the point of all these ?
I don't know, maybe I just wanted to write down moments like these...

Moments like these where I use standard comforting words to people who suspect/realized that their friend/relative is homosexual.

Moments like these where I take no offense to people trying turn their suspected-gay-relative back onto the right track.

Moments like these where I do not suggest they leave the poor soul alone to figure things out himself/herself.

Moments like these where I still think that most people are ok with friends who are gay, ok with "someone out there" who is gay, and ok to accepting gays into society, but not ok when one of their relatives is gay.

Gay and Casino ?

2005-05-01T23:55:00.000+08:00

With the recent announcement of Singapore going to have 2 Integrated Resorts (Not only Casinos !) somehow find our Government a little strange in this debate.

First of all, when our Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong announced the decision, he has told everyone that the government should be a "secular organization, making decisions and policies based on what is best for Singapore and Singaporeans."

Thus, even though there are many objections from MPs, members of the public and of course, all religious groups, they have decided that Jobs, Tourism and all other factors outweight the "social costs".

Why do I not see the same tenacity at work for giving rights to minority-groups in our society ? I do not belong to many minority-groups, but I know I belong to one - Homosexuals.

Why, when it has been recognized by many leading medical bodies globally that homosexuality is not a disease, that Singapore still outlaws homosexual acts. Even when the government decides not to prosecute consenting gay adults, the law is still there ? Despite needing the pink dollar, and then PM Goh Chok Tong saying that the civil service will still employ homosexuals, homosexual laws will not be removed ?

The argument is not to antagonize the conservative majority. What majority ? All the arguments are along the lines of "homosexual behaviour is immoral" (think "gambling is immoral"), "homosexuality is against our religion" (think "gambling is against our religion").

And what morals ? Mostly Christian and Islamic. What religion ? Isn't the government supposed to be secular ?

I am not going to give all the points of the argument - It is not the point of this entry. Instead, I just want to point out the similarity of public objections about homosexuality and the casino, but the difference in the government's decision.

Well, maybe repealing the law doesn't create as many jobs as building casinos. Maybe giving homosexual rights doesn't bring up the GDP of Singapore.

If that is the case, the job of our government is skewd towards just the economy, not about the people who elected them (or rather, the majority who didn't elect them, but that is another story).

Gay vs. Career - Mutually Exclusive ?

2005-04-20T22:00:00.000+08:00

Being a gay guy, it seems like it might be affecting my career. I think I am not the only one. It is more common that we think, I think.

How does it affect my career ?

Well, I guess the obvious that "coming-out" and being openly gay might not be as easy. Sure, I know of many people who are openly gay in the office. Most of those are in lines that are creative, arty-farty. Not many in a traditional office set up, even though there are.

I have yet to see/meet any asian guys, working in any company in Singapore, in the positions of "Regional Sales Director", "Regional Marketing Manager" or "Business Development Manager" being openly gay in the office. (Well, if you are, feel free to contact me. I would like to broaden my views.)

I also haven't heard of any CEO who are openly gay. Yeah, you can say I am ambitious, sometimes. :)

I am in the Sales line, in the IT industry. Now, being openly gay may not sit well with many of my customers regionally, thus it is still unthinkable for me to be "out".

So I am doomed to lead a double life, even though I know some of my colleagues shouldn't have any problems knowing I am gay. Problem is, I am not sure about my boss, who has divulged once, though long time ago, that it makes him feel strange to have personal encounter with what seems like a Lesbian journalist interviewing him.

At least, for now.

And destined to stay in low or middle management as long as I am not married with kids ? (Some employers view it as being committed and matured.)

Or that I have to be in an industry where being openly gay is accepted, or start my own company so that I can lead an integrated social and work life ?

Even then, I know of a friend who started his own company, but is still afraid of revealing to his staff that he is gay. Maybe that is just him ?

My Girlfriends...

2005-04-09T23:51:00.000+08:00

Secondary School

I had my first crush on a girl in Secondary 2. It was just it, a crush. Did not become girlfriend, as she rejected my advances. However, during the time when I told my classmates that I was interested in her, one of the other guys also said he was interested in her.

Now, this other guy is slightly taller, sportier and more outspoken. Oh no, I was doomed to failure. No matter - I would have fantasies and dreams of him being beaten and cucumber raped by some sexually perverted hooligan and I would be the hero to rescue him, hold him and let him cry in my arms... *turn-table scatches, background music comes to a halt*

Wait a minute. Why am I having this ? Is it my inner sexual perversion raising its head, or am I just emotionally trying to reduce his masculinity.

Junior College

My very first official girlfriend. We were in the same ECA. She wasn't all that ravishing, but she has personality that I like.

No full sexual encounters, but basically light petting, kissing, hugging. I guess that is all.

Broke up after about 3 months. I guess what I was looking for is a "partner" is the emotional sense. Maybe I wanted a girlfriend to look "normal" and more "desirable" ? I am not sure.

During JC, I was telling my close friends that I was bisexual. Maybe I am simply unable to accept that I was gay, and telling myself that I am bisexual is a "baby-step" in that direction.

University

Got to know a much younger girl and I went after her. She was demure and pretty. I really do not know why, but I think I am still in the "bisexual" phase.

Anyway, it didn't last long, and there was nothing sexual either.

*****

Throughout all these times, even when I had my girlfriends, no thoughts nor dreams (at least, none that I could remember) that is even remotely sexual about girls. Whenever I had wet dreams, it would be with guys.

On hindsight, I guess I should have easily convinced myself that I was gay. But pressure from society, wanting to be normal, wanting to be the majority, not wanting to be ostracised or to face the pressure and discrimination should my family and friends come to know about it - are all too overwhelming.

Whoever says that being gay is a chosen lifestyle and can be changed, is like telling a left-handed person to learn and use his/her right hand - It merely changes the behaviour, not the cause. That would be asking me to lead a straight lifestyle, and put up an act for the whole world to see.

Is that a really healthy lifestyle ?

My Time as a Paedophile

2005-03-30T11:47:00.000+08:00

When I got to know my second boyfriend. Everyone around me screamed "Paedophile !" and "Cradle-Snatcher !". I am not exaggerating.

I was 29, and he was 18+. It was just 2 months after I ended my relationship with my first bf. (My first bf was not my first relationship, in case you are wondering.)

I told him that it would most probably be a rebound affair and would not last. Still we had a "fling" for 3 months. His name is A.

A had just finished JC2, and just finished taking his A-levels. He was a little chubby, but looks cute. When my ex-landlord first found out that A was only 18, he gave me 'the look' and said "Wah ! You craddle-snatcher ah ?"

When my other friends (mostly straight) got to know A, we spent quite sometime together. But A couldn't really integrate with my friends that well. I guess not everyone can communicate with 18yo guys.

Out of respect, my friends didn't really object to our relationship or anything, except the occassional teasing of me being a paedophile.

I can summarize basically why I broke up the relationship :

(1) Different concept of the value of money.

Once, during a long talk, I offered A 2 choices. One was to get a fixed allowance of $200 per month from me. He can use it anyway he wants. The other, was to give him a credit card, but he has to pay me back whatever he spent on. The card is just to give convenience.

His question to me was "How much is the credit limit ?" I said it was $3,000. His final question was "Up to you lor. Between $200 and $3,000, you think lah." I was totally perplexed.

One is money for him to keep. The other is convenience and maybe "prestige", since he has been saying that his friend have debit cards and all sorts. How does he make the apple to beef comparison ?

(2) Childish and Vain behaviour.

He has many childish gestures. Not that I mind alot, but it is just evidence of childish mentality. Also, he compares latest mobile phones with peers, having debit/credit cards with peers, asking me why I do not buy a car, etc.

I guess that comes with the package of him being a teenager and all. And the fact that I was on austerity drive didn't help.

(3) Not much common interest.

Other than the great sex, we do not have much common interest. I think that is one great factor in maintaining a relationship.

I have always thought that age difference is not very important. Most of the time, it is the mentality that comes with the age that makes the difference. And in relation, I guess the difference between 2 persons the age of 18 and 28, is much greater than the difference between 2 persons the age of 38 and 48.

*****

Was watching South Park recently and last night I came across this episode with "NAMBLA". In the show, the man was defending his position with "I was born this way", "It is easier to prosecute something you do not understand". And the argument was "Hey Dude ! You have sex with children !"

It sounds EXACTLY like the defense from gays. The only difference here is children. Now I am sure we are all against rape and forcing sex on children. But what about pre-pubesent boys who are willing ? Early Teens who know what they are doing ?

I guess that is the stand of NAMBLA. I have yet to form my opinions on it, thus I shall not agree or disagree. But the fact is, children are smarter and more knowledgeable nowadays. I am sure there are even minors committing crimes knowing that they are immune to the laws.

Teenage boys and girls experimenting with sex. Be it straight or gay sex, it should not matter to them. Why is it that many people are more acceptable to a 14yo boy have sex with a girl, than if the same 14yo boy have sex with another boy ? Their reactions are different !

If sex is bad for them at that age, it shouldn't matter who they do it with : girl, boy, dog or sheep.

Our Government has Done It Again !

2005-03-25T00:32:00.000+08:00

Oh yes, I am again amazed at how coherent our policy makers are. Only recently in Parliment, did Dr. Balaji Sadasivan mentioned that there is a big spike in HIV & AIDS cases among gay men in Singapore.

And on Sunday, 20th March 2005, Senior Minister of State for Information, Communications and the Arts & Health Dr. Balaji Sadasivan called "for champions in the gay community to step forward and stand up for zero tolerance of unsafe sex practices".

To his credit, his crusade against HIV/AIDS is targetted at both heterosexuals and homosexuals.

Thus, when a Christian support group, Safehaven, is negotiating with the Media Development Authority (MDA) to hold a concert to promote safe sex among Singapore's gay and lesbian community, I thought it would be approved. At least, it would be inline with what Dr. Balaji said.

However, MDA announced that they rejected the application for the concert with the reason that "Alternative lifestyles are against the public interest."

That is because the 2 main actors, Jason and Demarco, are gay. Also, "Based on the reports about the duo's performances in the United States and the duo's website, the duo uses their musical performance and their own example of being a couple to celebrate and promote a gay lifestyle."

So how do you teach gay men to practise safe sex, when you do not want to talk about gay sex ? And how is that going to promote a gay lifestyle ? All heterosexual men suddenly would want to practise safe gay sex ?

Imagine someone were to propose this public seminar on how to reduce terrorist in Singapore, which includes a performance showing how a terrorist go about planning and putting a bomb in Singapore and what are the ways to twart this terrorist. Would MDA reject it because that would be promoting a terrorism lifestyle ?

Think Frontline. Or maybe it was because the terrorist died in the end. So that is acceptable. So how about getting the concert changed such that the gay characters die of AIDS after having gay sex. Would that be OK then ? Would that be in our public interest ?

How about this project that touches on lives of criminals, showing how they led their criminal lives and persuading the society to accept them and give them a second chance after being released from prison ? Wouldn't all Singaporeans then turn itno criminals, thinking that "It's ok, just spend a while in jail and things would be fine." Wouldn't that be against the public interest ?

I think you, gentle readers, can draw your own conclusions.

*****

March 23rd 2005, TODAY :

THE Media Development Authority (MDA) has denied reports that it is considering giving a proposed gay concert the green light.

In an email to Today, MDA spokeswoman Koh June May said: "We are not in the midst of holding any negotiations or discussions with the group on this issue."

Yesterday, this newspaper reported that Christian group Safehaven was negotiating with MDA to hold a charity concert by gay pop duo Jason and deMarco next month.

The group, which claims to be the only gay affirmative Christian support group here, applied for an Arts and Entertainment Licence about two weeks ago, but their application was rejected last Friday in a brief faxed letter.

"Alternative lifestyles are against the public interest," said the MDA in the letter.

"Based on the reports about the duo's performances in the United States and the duo's website, the duo uses their musical performance and their own example of being a couple to celebrate and promote a gay lifestyle," it said.

When asked why Safehaven had not been forthright about the rejection when contacted on Monday night, spokeswoman Susan Tang said: "We did not want to say it was rejected as we wanted to give MDA a chance to reconsider our application.

According to her, half the tickets have been sold. But the organisers are not giving up without a fight.

Yesterday, in an appeal letter to Dr Lee Boon Yang, Minister for Information, Communications and the Arts, Safehaven enclosed footage of the duo's performance, saying their act was "strictly professional". — Ansley Ng

*****

Being Top and Bottom

2005-03-22T23:42:00.000+08:00

This term is almost a daily vocabulary in the gay man's life. So what does these terms mean ? And how do I interpret them ?

Basically it is a term to describe sexual positions during copulation. Top = the penetrator ; Bottom = the penetrated. Then there are also guys who are "flexible" or "versatile" which means they can take on either role. Of course, the penetration here refers to anal sex.

This got me thinking about a few concepts :

(1) The link to the "male" and "female" concept, similar to a heterosexual coupling
(2) The common emotional load to "Top" being more superior
(3) Sexual compatibility is more than just "Penetrator-Penetrated" roles.

1) Male vs. Female

I think this concept does not need introduction. Almost everyone will think that it is natural that a male copulate with female. Many gay guys that I know of actively seek someone of the other role. (A Top seeking a Bottom, and vice versa).

Seeking someone due to preference is ok, I have nothing against that. If you can only experience orgasm by penetration another male, fine. If you cannot be satisfied unless you feel a penis plowing your rear, I am ok with that too.

I already have many straight friends asking who is the "1" and who is the "0" (terms that was popularized by several Hong Kong chinese movies quite a few years ago) in my relationships. The "1" refers to the "male" of the relationship and the "0" refers to the female. I refuse to answer the question.

Thus again, the heterosexual concept of Male vs Female roles and sexual positions are reinforced. Or maybe I am too sensitive, but the smirks, the grins that I read from people's face when they speak of someone being the "0" or being the Bottom, told me my sensitivity is not misplaced.

Hearing those from straight guys are fine. I can attribute that to pure ignorance due to their lack of capacity to understand how gays think and feel. But to get the same kind of reaction from gay guys as well simply irks me.

Come on, you are already in an unconventional homosexual relationship, involving 2 males. Why the heck do you want to conform and play a "male + female" role ?

2) Top is Superior

As with the associations above, the Top guy is usually related to someone masular, manly, and all those. Any gay guys who are sissy, soft, effeminate, are usually thought to be a bottom.

I have seen this stereotyping from straight guys as well as gay guys. Why ? I do not know. But I guess the association of effeminate guys with being the female role, and female is the bottom in any sexual relationship. I mean, female do not have penis.

For every single case of this stereotype, I can find a anti-thesis. I have known many gay guys who are manly and totally do not reek of "I am gay" to any casual observer, to be a Bottoms and enjoy it. There are also many effeminate guys who are only Tops.

I have seen in many of my social gatherings that even gay guys have this association. When they talk about someone, and they do not like this person, they will make fun by associating this person to being a Bottom.

I guess this Top being powerful is one of the reasons why there are so many "rape" cases in prison. Including female wardens sodomizing the prisoners with their own genitals or equipment. The mere act of penetration is, instinctively, associated with power. And the prisoner/captive is powerless to resists and being penetrated is a huge shame.

You can see it happening in many war zones, including the recent Iraqi prisons.

3) Sexual compatibility is more than just Top/Bottom

Intuitively, the term Top and Bottom refers to position in bed. And since when is the "Top" associated with "Penetrator" ? Even in Hollywood movies, there are almost equal instances of the man being on Top and woman being on Top.

Thus, there is another role, called "Active" and "Passive", but is seldom used now. Active refers to someone who does most of the action in bed, while the Passive one simply lies one the bed. Thus the one on "Top" is usually the active one.

There are active males and also active females in heterosexual sex acts. So in the gay world, there are also active Tops and active Bottoms in homosexual sex acts. I think I do not have to describe them to you. You can imagine the penetrator being on top, or the penetrator simply lying in bed.

So if a gay Top(Penetrator) finds a gay Bottom, and both are passive ? Ta da ! No sex ? Ha ha.

Also, can 2 Top(Penetrator) gays have a fruitful relationship ? That is basically asking "Can 2 males have a fruitful relationship ?" Think about it. Is a relationship simple about sexual complementary positions ? Must anal sex be involved all the time ?

So my gay friends out there, please do not help to perpetuate the stereotype that the straight people have of us. Also do not live in the homosexual relationship modelling the heterosexual one. Live on your own !

Do I have AIDS ?

2005-03-15T11:07:00.000+08:00

This issue has been talked about. Adri wrote it well in Airborne Diseases and Synonym Gay:AIDS.

Many of her points reflect what I feel. Although I most probably couldn't put it as well as she did.

I am beyond any urge to discuss or defend such accusations. I have simply come to terms that such ignorant and irresponsible behaviour is accepted by our conservative majority.

Looking at the statistics of the increase in absolute numbers of gay men having HIV/AIDS, I can think of a few reasons :

(1) Look at Fridae and SGBoy websites, you will see many messages and ads telling people to practise safe sex and to get tested. And also annonymous HIV testing are available.

(2) Seeing how information for gays are not available from other media, most internet-enabled gays will frequent these sites. Thus, lots of education actually happens

(3) Only those old-men, no-internet-at-home types lack these messages.

(4) Compare that with our straight-laced HIV/AIDS campaign in Singapore, targetting the majority of the straight population. Message is "ABSTAIN FROM SEX", "YOU DO NOT KNOW WHO HAS AIDS".. blah blah blah. Not many (I have seen a few private posters in pub toilets) have the "Practise Safe Sex" message. Why ? Because our government doesn't want to be seen as promoting casual sex.

Thus, isn't it only logical that :

(a) Gay men are more acceptable to go for HIV/AIDS testing, especially when annonymous ones are widely publicised to the gay population.

(b) Straight men are not told about safe sex practise. They are told to abstain and most horny men will just ignore that.

Also, I am sure more and more gay men are willing to tick the "homosexual" part of the form as compared to a few years ago.

What is lacking in the statistics are :

(1) the number of heterosexuals who went for testing
(2) the number of homosexuals who went for testing

True, 22% of the HIV/AIDS cases are from homosexuals. But how many gays have gone for testing ? Assuming that only 10% of the population are gay, it shows the percentage of gay population going for testing.

If we have the number, we can also see if the corresponding percentage of heterosexuals have gone for testing. That will the be a truer reflection of the reality.

Otherwise, saying that the spike in HIV/AIDS is due to gay is not wrong, but to link it to the parties is just ridiculous.

Why your friends always ask you...

2005-03-09T22:23:00.000+08:00

My bf asked me just now, half in jest, why my other gay friends kept on asking when I am going to buy a condo. How come they know I want to buy a house ?

I told him I don't know why they asked, because I haven't said anything about buy a flat or a condo.

Hmmm. Come to think of it - most of the gay friends that I know of, who stays on their own, bought condos. In fact, only a handful had bought HDB flats.

Yes, why buy a condo ? It is expensive in terms of floor space, and I most probably do not need all the facilities. I don't mind living in a HDB flat. But the problem is, I haven't decided whether I want to buy a house or not.

Also, why the expectations to buy a condo or a house ? Is it something Singaporean, that having a family, even in our case, means having our own place ? That we have to buy ?

True, gays do not need to worry about wedding photos, wedding dinners, and kids. Does it mean that we need to buy condos to spend the money ? No wonder everyone is after the pink dollar.

*****

I don't seem to have many people coming in. Search engines not doing their jobs ? Guess I just have to live with it for now.

How do you know you are gay ?

2005-03-08T18:00:00.000+08:00

Many people ask me : "How do you know you are gay ?"

How am I supposed to answer that ?

"How did you know you were straight ? From watching TV ?"

What is worse, are those bigots out there who think that being gay is a lifestyle. Come on ! We live in a place where every mention of the word "gay" and every film with gay theme is censored by our government.

Everything I learnt in life was telling me how to be straight. I didn't even know about such thing as "gayness" while I was young. How the heck did I choose it ?

Homosexuals in most societies, especially Singapore, are being discriminated against. I face a lot of disadvantages here (employment, marriage, housing, etc), so why do I want to live this lifestyle if I can choose ?

What ? The sex ? As if the straight-laced mainstream society is not bonking and enjoying sex ? So tell me, why on earth do I want to choose to be gay ?

**********

In primary school, I liked to peep at other guys while urinating at the urinals. Medical checkups in school were also a source for me to enjoy my sightings. Once, a classmate showed me his dick commenting that his was cut (circumcised), unlike the rest of us. I enjoyed looking at it.

Come Secondary school, I was a librarian. I read "Family Medicine" encyclopedia whenever I had the chance. Liked to look at the diagrams and photographs of the male body, especially the genitals. Extensive reading led me to conclude that my interest in other people's penis is mainly part of puberty and is a phase that everyone goes through.

In the meantime, I had girlfriends, just like everyone else. It was a hip thing to do. Having a gf was a status symbol.

Secretly, I have always fantasized sexual encounters with cute guys I saw in my school.

This "phase" never ended. Even when I masturbated, I had images of guys in my head. When I look at pornography, I look at the guys. Even in wet dreams, they are images of guys. Never once did I climax with an image of a woman in my mind.

So after a while, in JC, I started to admit that I might be bisexual. Still, no actual sexual experiences with any girl. I guess admitting to myself that I am a bi is somehow easier to accept.

Army was the time that I was quite sure I am gay. I enjoyed the showers, looking around at the other guys. Of course, I had to be careful not to sprout an erection and give myself away.

That was also the age where I had my first voluntary sexual encounter. (Yes, I was molested by a man before, when I was in Sec. 1, but it was hardly traumatizing and I am sure it had nothing to do with my being gay.)

Till today, I had a few relationships with guys, and countless gay sexual encounters. I have come to accept that I am gay, has been, and always will be.

**********

"So how do you know you are gay ?"

I know because that is what my heart is telling me. I like men - in general of course, not all men.

I know because after all these years of brainwashing by society, government, friends and relatives, I still like men more than women.

I know because after knowing that I will have to lead a life of secrecy, discrimiation, unfair policies and disappointing parents should I not become straight, I still love men and I love to have sex with attractive men.

I know because I understand myself more and this is natural for me.

My Tripartite Gay Relationships - 2

2005-03-08T16:29:00.000+08:00

Ok. So my first attempt at a 3-way was unsuccessful. Due to what I thought was the lack of sex between Will and myself, thus jealousy crept in.

Another 1.5 years later, there was another chance. Pete met Sim a couple of times. The first time Pete brought Sim home, I took the chance to get to know Sim, and shagged him in the living room, with Pete in the bedroom. He walked out while we shagging halfway, but didn't say a thing. Yes, don't gasp. Ha ha.

I was determined to tear down any obstacles and to try to make our relationship mutually fulfilling (and I am not referring to just the sex). 3 of us went out together, stayed home together, dined together, had sex together.

Sure, we all grew close. It all seems to go smoothly. That is for almost a year. I thought things were great. Then Pete suggested a break-up. I honestly don't know, but I guess he just wanted some freedom. Maybe he hasn't experienced all the fun of a gay man in Singapore. Also maybe he now likes Sim more.

After trying to patch things up, I figured I can't get him to stay. He wants independence. And so ends our 5 year relationship.

Break up was painful but an experience, nonetheless.

So now, I can't even hold a long term relationship, what more a tripartite one. I guess relationships are just complex.

Till today, I am still in contact with Pete and Sim, though they have a series of complicated affairs since then till now. I guess all is well, as we all grew up a little more.

My Tripartite Gay Relationships

2005-02-28T21:34:00.000+08:00

I have been "unconventional" in some areas of my life. Mainly my sexual orientation and my sexual activities.

In a straight relationship, it is usually a male and a female. Most of the time, monogamy is imposed. However, for a gay relationship, why are the same set of relationship rules imposed ?

I have talked about some gays having an open relationship. That is just one small step from being unconventional. But then, I do not have statistics on straight open relationships, so I can hardly be the authority here.

Today, I want to talk about my previous experience in a tripartite relationship. No, it is not a 3some sex adventure. It is about trying to have a "triangular love relationship" for the long term.

I met my bf when I was 23 and he was 19. We were both studying in the same local university. How we met is another story for later, maybe. We become attached after about 3 months of courtship on my part. As it was the first gay relationship for both of us, we decided to keep our options open and have the famous open relationship.

We agreed that love is more important than sex. Being young and horny, if one needed release from sexual tension and the other is not around, horse-play with another guy is ok. As long as no emotional affairs.

After about 1 year, he met another guy at the work place while on internship. At first it was just sex. But I guess the other guy liked him a lot too (see, I have pretty good taste in guys as well) and treated him pretty well. Let's call the other guy Will and my bf Pete (not their real names).

Will was showering Pete with lots of love. Gifts, tenderness and attention to details. The sexual affair become close to heart. When I felt that Pete likes Will too, I was open enough to try a tripartite relationship.

Around that time, I was quite active in newsgroups. (SiGNeL is still alive today, though I have out of the list for many years already.) At that time, there was a discussion on whether a tripartite relationship can work in life.

Of course, being the unconventional one, I was one of the few that said it could work. Provided that none of the parties should feel jealous at all and love everyone almost equally. Well, almost like the conditions for an open relationship except for the part about not getting emotionally involved. Here, for a tripartite relationship to work, all parties must get emotionally involved, and with all other parties as well, not just one.

Thus, with such complication, statistically it should be in the minority of the minority.

Time to put my theory to real life. I told Pete that I would like to integrate Will into our lives. Afterall, our relationship is not exactly typical, so why not try something new.

I met Will, and 3 of us went out for a date. Watched movies, had coffee and chatted. Even spent the night together at his place, but no sex at all. It looked promising, I enjoyed talking to him and we all enjoyed our time going to beaches and shopping.

After a couple of months, I started to feel jealous. I guess I was jealous that I had to share Pete. Will, on the other hand, doesn't seem to exhibit that jealousy. Maybe because being the 3rd party, he was glad to have enjoyed every single minute he had with Pete.

My jealousy extended from the fact that Will seemed to be more attentive and more romantic than I ever had (or ever will be). I was afraid to lose my love. I was afraid that if it went on any longer, Pete will love Will more than me.

I confided in a friend. My friend then came to tell Pete to make a choice.

That night, it was a sad night, with lots of heartache and tears for all involved. But Pete chose me over Will. It took us a while to get over it. Rather it took Pete a while to get over not seeing Will anytime soon.

And so ended my attempt. My own jealousy tipped the balance. Maybe if it went on any longer, something else might have happened. Who knows what the alternate future holds. For now, I know for a fact that jealousy is a strong emotion.

I couldn't, for more than 3 months, prove my theory of having a fruitful tripartite gay relationship.

On hindsight, it also could be that 3 of us did not have sex together to bond. Yeah, I know, that sounded so straight ! (Damn ! I missed my chance to have sex with Will. Ha ha.)

Bear that in mind, when I tell you about my second attempt. (Oh, you didn't notice the "s" in my blog title, did you?)

Get Your Facts, Straight!

2005-02-25T14:03:00.000+08:00

An SGBoy Article, Get Your Facts, Straight!, which I agree to a lot. I could add more to the list too.

*****

Get Your Facts, Straight! If I get a dollar every time I have to tell another straight acquaintance that my favourite colour is not pink...

Date : 24 Feb 2005
Writer : Fresnik Tan

Don't get me wrong. I have nothing against pink. But the colour makes me feel too fluffy. But along with my sexual orientation comes a host of stereotypes which I must fend off - much like flies over an open wound. So, for the convenience of future encounters, I've decided to create a handy list of sorts, to re-educate the ill-informed straight folks out there.

Our favourite colour is NOT NECESSARILY PINK!
I'd thought I'd just get that out of the way first...

We do not wear make-up and sway our hips as we walk.
Well, not all of us anyway. Being gay has frequently been equated to being effeminate. The typical hand-swisher is the image du jour when it comes to imagining a gay individual. The truth is, yes there's a percentage of us who love their boas and sequins, but there's also a group of us who's into hiking, sports and roughing it out.

We have preferences too, ya know!
One of the most common fear of straight people when they find out about a friend being gay, is that they might get molested by the individual. Most of us might have experienced or seen the reaction of certain army guys when they find out one of their colleague is a homosexual. Quips like, 'Don't rape me in my sleep!' and 'Must shower with underwear now.' Are totally uncalled for. My point - we have preferences too! We are not doing a Desperate Housewives here, and we most certainly do not want to get it on with anything that has something in between their legs.

We do not all wear tight tees and go to the gym.
At the other end of the spectrum, we have our gym bunnies who dedicate the whole of their waking non-working hours to the art of beautifying the shrine that is their body. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but this image is fast replacing the other as this millennia's epitome of a gay man. From queer queen to brainless bunny, I'm not about to call it an advancement. Luckily, the truth is far from this 'branding' the media has helped in tagging to us. We have our bookworms and homebodies, our athletes and our artists, to flesh out the community, so please remember that. And this leads me to my next point...

We do not just go for hunks.
Yes, they're really nice. Hunks I mean. Those with chiseled features, buff bods and good grooming goes down well with most of us, but at the end of the day, we will usually have a preference for someone else to settle down with. We have those who are into chubs or skinnies, tall giants and rugged dwarfs, aristocratic scholars or sun-beaten sportsmen. You name it, we have someone who loves them.

Being gay doesn't necessarily mean we have taste.
Stop asking me for fashion advice. I for one can't differentiate a Hugo suit from a Domanchi one without looking at the label. Ask me what goes better with black, pinstripes or tartan and I'll just say, 'Whatever's comfortable'. The media has relegated gay people to being trendsetters and followers, heavily involved in the creative industries. But the truth is it doesn't gift everyone of us with a sense of taste. Too often I've seen many gay men wear the most ridiculous and distastefully loud garbs out on the streets and misconstrue some of the stares to be that of an appreciative one. If you want to be fashionable, do your homework.

It's not just about sex, drugs and rock and roll.
Some of my friends believe that I dance and drink my weekend away, hopping from one spot to another, maybe even from club to spa to finish my drunken ride with a sexual escapade. Imagine how they widen their eyes in disbelief when I tell them that I only club about once a month and they are usually at straight venues. And I've never stepped into a gay spa before. Not that I'm being an elitist and snubbing gay businesses but it's so much more convenient for me to go to a regular club, as opposed to making my way down to Tanjong Pagar just to see the same old crowd and faces. ONSs don't really work for me, as I admit I'm a stubborn romantic. Which brings me to...

Yes, long term relationships can and do happen.
If there's myth that has a bigger hold than any other, both in the straight faction as well as in ours, it's the fact that long term relationships (if not lifelong ones) do happen. And I have living examples around me. Though some will throw the statistics at me and say that the rate of failure is high, my gauntlet to them is this - if you let the statistics convince you, then you'll never try with all your heart. And if you never commit your whole being into a relationship believing it will work, how could it?

So I conclude my little (though definitely not exhaustive) list of common myths about gayhood with one resounding reiteration... I don't like PINK!

*****

Of Open and Closed Relationship

2005-02-24T11:17:00.000+08:00

I am not sure if you get this in heterosexual relationships. In our world, relationships between a couple can be of 2 types - Open and Closed.

What is an Open Relationship ?
It roughly equates to - Let's love each other but feel free to go out and have sex with others just to satisfy your lust.

Closed Relationship is your typical sexually faithful relationship where fidelity is a major concern.

Then of course, you have the "sex buddy" kind where all is just sex and no love.

So how did "Open Relationships" come about ? It is really that guys are just so sexual that tying them down is unrealistic and in a relationshihp with TWO guys instead of just one, chances of infidelity happening is doubled ?

Or is it just a kind of relationship where "sex buddies" wants to be more than buddies. They want the companionship and feeling of love, yet do not like the commitment involved.

I have not heard about Open relationships in the hetero world, except for occassional spouse turning a blind eye to his/her partner's infidelity, or pretending it does not exist. I haven't heard of any cases where it is actually accepted.

I had an open relationship before. We were both younger and lustier. On my part, it is more of wanting "fresh meat". It is just plain sex and fun. I still loved my boyfriend. He is free to have fun too. When I know about it, I would like to ask questions like "How was it ?", "Was he better ?", "How big is he ?", etc.

Man, blogging about this made me horny again. Ha ha. So you see, with such high sex drive, no wonder I was doing all these.

Asked myself in the long term. Can open relationships last ? Are they stronger or weaker than the traditional closed relationship ?

I guess it all depends on individuals. My open relationship lasted 5 years. Of course, the last couple of years, the love has dwindled. Still, it was heartbreaking during the break-up.

I am all FOR open relationships, provided both parties meet the following requirements :
- Honesty
- True love for each other
- No feeling of jealousy, especially when the other partner has found a guy better in bed than you

If any of the above is not there, I think open relationships will not last.

One convenience of being Gay

2005-02-21T11:27:00.000+08:00

Well, I have to admit. There are times when being gay is inconspicuous - Toilet Sex.
The straights have it tough.

It came across my mind when a friend described seeing a guy and a gal went to the ladies when she walked out of the ladies. Obviously, they were going in to have sex.

Then it occurred to me, that as a gay guy, toilet sex is pretty easy to accomplish. I am sure lesbians have their fair share of fun too.

So there. Not all is bad. Ha ha.

Oh, in case you are wonder - I am not going to admit nor deny whether I had toilet sex.

Confessions of a Gay in Singapore

2005-02-18T21:20:00.000+08:00

Hi, I am 32yo, Chn, M, 173, 68

Oh, sorry. For a while, I thought I was giving an introduction in a gay chatroom. Those are the standard introduction.

Strange, because in the real world, nobody gives introduction of themselves like that. I have been to a straight sex chatroom and it is just as direct. So it is the sex thing, nothing to do with sexuality.

I have been living in the closet for about 3 years and halfway out of the closet for almost 10 years now. By halfway I mean I am not totally out to the whole world. People who do not know that I am gay includes my family and colleagues.

After all these while, I guess I just want to vent my frustrations and voice my opinion on the things that a "normal" gay guy faces and deals with everyday.

Maybe, and just maybe, by doing that, I will feel better on the whole.