My Tripartite Gay Relationships

I have been "unconventional" in some areas of my life. Mainly my sexual orientation and my sexual activities.

In a straight relationship, it is usually a male and a female. Most of the time, monogamy is imposed. However, for a gay relationship, why are the same set of relationship rules imposed ?

I have talked about some gays having an open relationship. That is just one small step from being unconventional. But then, I do not have statistics on straight open relationships, so I can hardly be the authority here.

Today, I want to talk about my previous experience in a tripartite relationship. No, it is not a 3some sex adventure. It is about trying to have a "triangular love relationship" for the long term.

I met my bf when I was 23 and he was 19. We were both studying in the same local university. How we met is another story for later, maybe. We become attached after about 3 months of courtship on my part. As it was the first gay relationship for both of us, we decided to keep our options open and have the famous open relationship.

We agreed that love is more important than sex. Being young and horny, if one needed release from sexual tension and the other is not around, horse-play with another guy is ok. As long as no emotional affairs.

After about 1 year, he met another guy at the work place while on internship. At first it was just sex. But I guess the other guy liked him a lot too (see, I have pretty good taste in guys as well) and treated him pretty well. Let's call the other guy Will and my bf Pete (not their real names).

Will was showering Pete with lots of love. Gifts, tenderness and attention to details. The sexual affair become close to heart. When I felt that Pete likes Will too, I was open enough to try a tripartite relationship.

Around that time, I was quite active in newsgroups. (SiGNeL is still alive today, though I have out of the list for many years already.) At that time, there was a discussion on whether a tripartite relationship can work in life.

Of course, being the unconventional one, I was one of the few that said it could work. Provided that none of the parties should feel jealous at all and love everyone almost equally. Well, almost like the conditions for an open relationship except for the part about not getting emotionally involved. Here, for a tripartite relationship to work, all parties must get emotionally involved, and with all other parties as well, not just one.

Thus, with such complication, statistically it should be in the minority of the minority.

Time to put my theory to real life. I told Pete that I would like to integrate Will into our lives. Afterall, our relationship is not exactly typical, so why not try something new.

I met Will, and 3 of us went out for a date. Watched movies, had coffee and chatted. Even spent the night together at his place, but no sex at all. It looked promising, I enjoyed talking to him and we all enjoyed our time going to beaches and shopping.

After a couple of months, I started to feel jealous. I guess I was jealous that I had to share Pete. Will, on the other hand, doesn't seem to exhibit that jealousy. Maybe because being the 3rd party, he was glad to have enjoyed every single minute he had with Pete.

My jealousy extended from the fact that Will seemed to be more attentive and more romantic than I ever had (or ever will be). I was afraid to lose my love. I was afraid that if it went on any longer, Pete will love Will more than me.

I confided in a friend. My friend then came to tell Pete to make a choice.

That night, it was a sad night, with lots of heartache and tears for all involved. But Pete chose me over Will. It took us a while to get over it. Rather it took Pete a while to get over not seeing Will anytime soon.

And so ended my attempt. My own jealousy tipped the balance. Maybe if it went on any longer, something else might have happened. Who knows what the alternate future holds. For now, I know for a fact that jealousy is a strong emotion.

I couldn't, for more than 3 months, prove my theory of having a fruitful tripartite gay relationship.

On hindsight, it also could be that 3 of us did not have sex together to bond. Yeah, I know, that sounded so straight ! (Damn ! I missed my chance to have sex with Will. Ha ha.)

Bear that in mind, when I tell you about my second attempt. (Oh, you didn't notice the "s" in my blog title, did you?)