Being Top and Bottom

This term is almost a daily vocabulary in the gay man's life. So what does these terms mean ? And how do I interpret them ?

Basically it is a term to describe sexual positions during copulation. Top = the penetrator ; Bottom = the penetrated. Then there are also guys who are "flexible" or "versatile" which means they can take on either role. Of course, the penetration here refers to anal sex.

This got me thinking about a few concepts :

(1) The link to the "male" and "female" concept, similar to a heterosexual coupling
(2) The common emotional load to "Top" being more superior
(3) Sexual compatibility is more than just "Penetrator-Penetrated" roles.


1) Male vs. Female

I think this concept does not need introduction. Almost everyone will think that it is natural that a male copulate with female. Many gay guys that I know of actively seek someone of the other role. (A Top seeking a Bottom, and vice versa).

Seeking someone due to preference is ok, I have nothing against that. If you can only experience orgasm by penetration another male, fine. If you cannot be satisfied unless you feel a penis plowing your rear, I am ok with that too.

I already have many straight friends asking who is the "1" and who is the "0" (terms that was popularized by several Hong Kong chinese movies quite a few years ago) in my relationships. The "1" refers to the "male" of the relationship and the "0" refers to the female. I refuse to answer the question.

Thus again, the heterosexual concept of Male vs Female roles and sexual positions are reinforced. Or maybe I am too sensitive, but the smirks, the grins that I read from people's face when they speak of someone being the "0" or being the Bottom, told me my sensitivity is not misplaced.

Hearing those from straight guys are fine. I can attribute that to pure ignorance due to their lack of capacity to understand how gays think and feel. But to get the same kind of reaction from gay guys as well simply irks me.

Come on, you are already in an unconventional homosexual relationship, involving 2 males. Why the heck do you want to conform and play a "male + female" role ?


2) Top is Superior

As with the associations above, the Top guy is usually related to someone masular, manly, and all those. Any gay guys who are sissy, soft, effeminate, are usually thought to be a bottom.

I have seen this stereotyping from straight guys as well as gay guys. Why ? I do not know. But I guess the association of effeminate guys with being the female role, and female is the bottom in any sexual relationship. I mean, female do not have penis.

For every single case of this stereotype, I can find a anti-thesis. I have known many gay guys who are manly and totally do not reek of "I am gay" to any casual observer, to be a Bottoms and enjoy it. There are also many effeminate guys who are only Tops.

I have seen in many of my social gatherings that even gay guys have this association. When they talk about someone, and they do not like this person, they will make fun by associating this person to being a Bottom.

I guess this Top being powerful is one of the reasons why there are so many "rape" cases in prison. Including female wardens sodomizing the prisoners with their own genitals or equipment. The mere act of penetration is, instinctively, associated with power. And the prisoner/captive is powerless to resists and being penetrated is a huge shame.

You can see it happening in many war zones, including the recent Iraqi prisons.


3) Sexual compatibility is more than just Top/Bottom

Intuitively, the term Top and Bottom refers to position in bed. And since when is the "Top" associated with "Penetrator" ? Even in Hollywood movies, there are almost equal instances of the man being on Top and woman being on Top.

Thus, there is another role, called "Active" and "Passive", but is seldom used now. Active refers to someone who does most of the action in bed, while the Passive one simply lies one the bed. Thus the one on "Top" is usually the active one.

There are active males and also active females in heterosexual sex acts. So in the gay world, there are also active Tops and active Bottoms in homosexual sex acts. I think I do not have to describe them to you. You can imagine the penetrator being on top, or the penetrator simply lying in bed.

So if a gay Top(Penetrator) finds a gay Bottom, and both are passive ? Ta da ! No sex ? Ha ha.

Also, can 2 Top(Penetrator) gays have a fruitful relationship ? That is basically asking "Can 2 males have a fruitful relationship ?" Think about it. Is a relationship simple about sexual complementary positions ? Must anal sex be involved all the time ?





So my gay friends out there, please do not help to perpetuate the stereotype that the straight people have of us. Also do not live in the homosexual relationship modelling the heterosexual one. Live on your own !