What is right about it ?

Seems like I've been tomorrowed by a previous posting "How do you know you are gay ?"

Some comments on tomorrow basically took my "justification", and substituted "gay" with "paedophiles" and seems to imply that my justification of " just because it is natural to me" doesn't mean it is right.

Well, to a certain extent the argument holds certain truth. In that just because it is natural to me, doesn't mean I should feel that it is right to act on it.

Well, thank goodness I don't feel it is "natural" in me to kill someone. (Trust me, at times, I was very very tempted to.)

Of course, if the same method of argument is used to justify murder, it would seem to be wrong.
But what's wrong is the action, NOT the reason.

If I feel the urge to kill anyone who irritates me, it is natural for me. I can't help feeling that way. But I shouldn't act on it because I feel it is not right.

Because being gay in itself doesn't harm anyone. And the universal "moral code" is that it is your right to feel whatever way you want to, but if you want to do things to/with someone, it better not hurt. (But hey, those who have gone through lost love knows it hurts, but why is love not immoral ?)

Which is why I do not like to have sex with guys who are "confused", even if they are 40-years old. They don't even know if they are gay or not, or just can't accept the fact that they have bisexual "tendencies". Because I don't want to be the one to tip them over one side of the fence and maybe they will regret in future.

It is natural in me that I am a homosexual. It is my choice to embrace it because I feel it doesn't harm anyone. And that I will lead a miserable life trying to suppress it and live it to what others expect. I am doing it with a consenting adult who know what he wants and who he is. We didn't harm anyone.

If I were born a paedophile, still the argument is there : It is natural for me to like kids. It is my choice whether I think having sex with kids is right or not. And in this case, I feel most kids are not matured enough to make an informed decision, thus I feel I have no right to even ask if they want to have sex with me. It would affect the development of the kid.

*****

Morals is a funny thing. If I said it was not natural for humans to fly because we are not created by god to fly. Thus inventing and even thinking of building an aeroplane is immoral.

What will you say ? 99% of you out there will say that I am crazy. What is the harm of flying in aeroplanes ? The other 1% agree with me, but due to environmental reasons, not that it is "ungodlyl" for us to fly.

So what is morally right/wrong is very subjective. But of course, there is such a thing called "majority". But still, almost a century ago, majority thinks that our Earth was flat. Majority thinks that women should be seen and not heard.

Also, Muslim men can have up to 4 wives. Their morals and ethics. If you are not born in that environment, you just simply cannot understand nor comprehend it. So, just accept it. As long as it doesn't harm you.

*****

Starting off with the "harm" or "hurt" stand to defining morals is also a dangerous thing.

So you are born in a family where you parents want you to be a doctor, but you want to be an artist. Your parents feel sad, hurt. Are you doing something immoral ? So will you force yourself into a lifestyle/career/whatever for the rest of your life, so that you do not hurt your family ?

You found a better job. Opportunity is very good and it seems like a once-in-a-lifetime chance that you've got it. Your current boss is stressed, sad, and very much affected by your resignation. Company sales figures plummets. Your ex-customers' business is affected when someone fresh takes over. Do you feel obligated to stay and keep your boss and customers happy at your own expense ?

You are born in a caste society. You are of the upper/royal class. Your lover is of the lower class. Both of you love each other. Do you hurt your lover's love, faith and trust in you by rejecting the relationship because it will hurt your family's reputation ? Or do you hurt your family's reputation and elope with your lover to somewhere where both of you can be treated as equals ?

In all the examples above, I am sure many people in this world have gone through them and made decisions that are directly opposites. Some of us rank parents more important than lovers. Those who do not will never undestand. You can think and reason it logically, but you will never feel what they feel.

*****

Many homosexuals are forced into marriage due to peer/family/societal pressures. They led miserable lives, only to get divorced and hurt their children when they can't suppress it any longer.

Was it right to subject their spouse and children through years of agony ? Or would you rather they admit and accept themselves and not get married in the first place ?

*****

How about I do the context-swtiching as well ?

"Homosexuality is a sin. It is morally wrong and should not be tolerated. They should be treated."

Substitute "homosexuality" with "Jews" , "treated" with ... er.... I leave can leave it in there.

Viola , Hitler in the making.

*****

If you have read thus far, and you are one of those who believe that homosexuality is unnatural, a sin, and wants to take a moral stand, I give you this proposal :

Weed out homosexuals. Remove the stigma so that we are free to express themselves. Make us feel welcome and that the society do not penalize us. So that we will not be forced to get married to cover up, and pass our gay genes to the next generation. Let us breed ourselves to extinction.

As long as you make homosexuality something to be frown upon, there will always be some of us who will pretend to be straight and make more gay babies.

So, the morally high-standing ones. What say you to my proposal ? Be hypocritical so that you can rid the world of sinful people, or be truthful to yourself and accept the fact that we will forever be around.

Oh. If you think you can "convert" gay people into straight people, then there will forever be those who will follow your evengilical footsteps and "convert" straight people to gay people.

AIDS spread through furniture ?

Haha.. Ok. I guess this is not new. Got it off Today as well.

http://newpaper.asia1.com.sg/news/story/0,4136,90623,00.html?

Just in case the link will be removed in the near future, I have copied the entire article below.

I only leave a few messages to you :

(1) Why did the police feel the need to inform the school, just because the teacher was gay ? Afterall, he was caught having sex with another gay man, not boy. Do they think that all gay men are automatically paedophiles ? Or that the gay teacher will teach all his kids to be gay ?

(2) Why did the school have to go through all that crap, spending $40k when that money can be spent on the kids ? Afterall, those kids that were pulled out from the school had to be enrolled back in as their parents can't find other special schools to accept them.

(3) It shows the power of how government policies and actions affect the entire society. And also how the conservative "few" can influence policies and the authorities. I thought the teacherrs and principals are in better position to educate these "special" parents...

(4) To the mind of many (not few), gay = men = paedophiles = HIV+ = Spread HIV = magical powers to turn other people into homosexuals

I have nothing to say, except to slap my palm on my forehead and go "duuuuuuuuuuhhhhhh". Hmmm.. I think I know now why my hairline is receding.


Here is the article :

IGNORANCE is bliss, so the saying goes. But for a private school off Upper Thomson Road, ignorance displayed by the parents of its students has proved costly - to the tune of $40,000.

That's 40 per cent of the school's annual operating cost.

The ignorance stems from the parents' fears that all gays are HIV positive - and a gay teacher would have infected everything he touched.

The school, the Centre for Exceptional Children, takes in students between 3 1/2 and 12 who have learning disabilities or who have low IQs.

In February, it came under the spotlight in a Straits Times report, which said the police had alerted the centre of a teacher's arrest for a sexual offence.

NOT CHARGED

The teacher was let off with a warning and was not charged, but the police said the school was informed because the man, Mr Paul Fernandez, 42, taught young children.

The school, which had 20 students then, said it did not know Mr Fernandez was gay or that he had been arrested.

But the parents were aghast. They blamed the school for hiring the man. Four pulled their kids out.

(They returned in April, said principal Queenie Tan, 50, because they couldn't find other centres to go to.)

Other parents insisted that the teacher not teach their children and must not be in the same room as their kids.

'It put me in a difficult position. It was as good as telling me to remove him,' said Mrs Tan.

A month before the ST report, Mr Fernandez had already stopped reporting for work.

On 30 Mar, the school's board decided to fire Mr Fernandez. He was informed by letter in April.

Mrs Tan stressed they did not fire him because he is gay but because he did not follow the school's guidelines. This included teaching in a classroom with windows so he could be observed.
Click to see larger image

His termination was not enough to pacify the parents. Some wanted the school to replace everything he had touched.

Re-paint the school, they said. Replace the toilet bowls.

Even throw away the chairs that he sat on.

Why? Because they were afraid their kids would get the HIV virus by touching the things the gay teacher had touched.

But there is no evidence that Mr Fernandez is HIV positive.

Furthermore, there is no way the virus can be transmitted through objects touched by an infected person.

As Dr Elly Sabrina Ismail, 35, a general practitioner explained: 'HIV is transmitted through blood and bodily fluids through close bodily contact like during sex.

'A virus can't survive for long when it's exposed to the environment. It's just sheer panic without understanding what it's all about.'

But Mrs Tan said 17 parents told her personally that they wanted the renovations carried out anyway.

So, in March, the school obliged. It even replaced the teaching aids - like cards and blocks - that Mr Fernandez had used. The school had to order some of the replacements from the UK.

It also replaced a microwave oven, hot water flask and toaster Mr Fernandez had used. Even the cupboards were changed.

Mrs Tan told the parents personally and via e-mail she would be carrying out the changes.

Explaining why they replaced the items, Mrs Tan said: 'We considered the general consensus of the parents. They pointed out that even the Government had banned gay parties and this contributed to the negative feeling they had towards gays.'

To allay their fears and concerns, she decided to carry out the renovations even though she admitted it was going overboard.

Mrs Tan said the school is only three years old and did not need to be renovated.

She said: 'It's a real waste of money. Psychologically, the renovation helps to give the impression that the place is new and fresh. You could say we were paranoid and obsessive, but the parents would say prevention is better than cure.'

A parent, who only wanted to be known as Mrs Ong, 46, admitted she was being kiasu.

Her 8-year-old son is dyslexic. She said: 'In this day and age of mutating viruses, well, I am just a mum who is concerned for my child. I am a kiasu mother.

'My son still puts things in his mouth and is not aware of what is hygienic and what is not. I was just thinking for my son and the other children.'

But does she know that the virus cannot be spread through furniture?

Yes, but she's not taking any chances, she said.

Mrs Tan added the school needs $100,000 a year and they conduct their own fund-raising. The renovations have put a large dent in its coffers.

She said the bulk of the operating cost generally goes towards the salaries of five full-time and three part-time teachers and the monthly $1,500 rental.

The school has 15 students now as some left to join mainstream schools.

When The New Paper on Sunday telephoned Mr Fernandez on Thursday, his mother said he had left the country two weeks ago. Declining to be named, she said he is unemployed.

'He didn't tell me where he's going,' she said. 'I didn't ask him. He is not a baby. I don't know when he is coming back. This is Paul's matter.'

Mrs Tan said this episode will not dissuade her from hiring gays.

'They are still human beings who need a job to survive. How can we ostracise them?

'There are gay teachers in primary and secondary schools and in polytechnics.

'And some are very good teachers.'

THE CASE

MR Paul Fernandez was warned by police in September 2003 for committing an act of gross indecency with another man.

It happened on the public staircase landing of a private block of flats in Klang Lane in Little India.

He was not charged.

He claimed it was a consensual act that came to the police's attention only after he reported that the other man had robbed him.

But because of his close contact with children, the police sent a letter to the school about his liaison with the man.

THE FACTS

IT's stereotyping of gays.

So says Action For Aids' executive director Paul Toh when asked to comment on the parents' reaction.

Said Mr Toh, 40: 'Just because a person is gay doesn't mean he has HIV. In truth, HIV is spread by mostly heterosexuals.

'In Singapore, 70 per cent of the HIV cases is spread by heterosexuals and 30 per cent by gay people.

'And it is not spread through furniture.'

According to the AFA website, there are three ways the HIV virus is spread:

• Through semen, vaginal fluids or blood during unprotected sexual intercourse with an infected person.
• Through sharing needles and syringes for intravenous drug use with an infected person.
• When an infected mother passes the virus on to her baby during pregnancy, child birth or breastfeeding.

My Cousin is Turning Gay...

No, not my cousin. My friend's...

I've received a call from a friend a while back. Rare, but she started off with "Is it convenient ? I need to ask you something. Can I call you later tonight ?"

I walked out of the office and told her to just ask. Get it over with. Yeah, I cannot stand suspense.

She asked me if I know whether there are any known gay activities occuring at a certain location. I asked how and why. This is what I 've got :

- That her cousin has been spending lots of time on the Internet chatrooms

- Her cousin's school work suffered. At first, her aunt and uncle though he was have affairs with young girls.

- Her aunt told her that after reading her younger cousin's SMS Messages, her aunt and uncle concluded that her cousin was meeting guys for "fun" at said location, at night.

- Her cousin is using her (being his private tutor) as reason to leave his house.

- Her aunt wants her to talk to him.

- She was wondering whether I could provide confirmation or not.

Well, let's not talk about invasion of privacy and stuff like that.

I basically told her that it doesn't mean he is gay, or turning gay. Maybe he was just "having fun". Maybe he will grow out of it. But I cannot advise her how to , or not to, talk to him. I didn't call her back to check on how things were.

What is the point of all these ?
I don't know, maybe I just wanted to write down moments like these...

Moments like these where I use standard comforting words to people who suspect/realized that their friend/relative is homosexual.

Moments like these where I take no offense to people trying turn their suspected-gay-relative back onto the right track.

Moments like these where I do not suggest they leave the poor soul alone to figure things out himself/herself.

Moments like these where I still think that most people are ok with friends who are gay, ok with "someone out there" who is gay, and ok to accepting gays into society, but not ok when one of their relatives is gay.